Museum Van Loon - Amsterdam

Hello again, Hive-ers, cultural travelers, and history lovers from other countries who still haven’t gathered enough crypto to travel around the world, just like me. After long cold days, some virus that spread at work, and a complete lack of free time to write the next article or to go around the rainy country that is now sunny… today I’ll tell you about the Van Loon Museum.

I admire modern architecture, but nothing compares to the coziness of an old aristocratic home, where I can smell the powder for wigs or the hairspray. I grew up with books classics like Emma, Pride and Prejudice, The Count of Monte Cristo, and etc. Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to these houses. Well, of course, with a dash of my personal sarcasm... because what’s a journey if you don’t have a little fun? The same goes for the house itself, because if you’re going to be rich, you better live on a canal so you can wake up every morning and watch people row through the cold water while you sip your hot coffee in a salon adorned with golden details, warm and cozy. Surely there’s an old house near the Red Lights of Amsterdam too, but it’s more likely it hasn’t been turned into a museum... rather into something else that was also popular back in the day… I’ll let you figure that one out yourself so I don’t get into vulgar details. Something related to bees and flowers, but in an Amsterdam style.

Again, before I continue, I want to thank the creators of the audio tour, the guides, the editors, the flyer designers, and the documentary that was playing in the house... without them, most of the meaningful information (not my rambling) wouldn’t have been possible. And let the story begin.

This three-story mansion I’m talking about was built in 1672 by architect Adriaan Dortsman who obviously knew how to build houses that wouldn’t collapse after 300 years, something that actually happen above me that one time... not on camp. The first tenant? Ferdinand Bol... one of Rembrandt’s students. Yep, that’s right. For us regular folks, the first tenant of a new building is usually someone with a questionable credit score and a tendency to miss rent payments, but here we’re talking about a different league. Still, he was Rembrandt’s student... he could’ve just borrowed money from him.

But, as I mentioned Jane Austen earlier, the house’s initial story starts just a few years before and a few years after the period of literary realism, in which many of the classical writers took part. Why do I bring it up? Besides the fact that I have ADHD and literally drift from topic to topic. Trying to run away now from the awkward moment, haha. Hendrik van Loon, one of the founders of the Dutch East India Company... the company that was kind of like Amazon back then, though instead of household essentials and dropshipping, they were into regular shipping... you know ships and all that wooden or metal stuff. Romantic literary realism... we are back again. Hendrik, much like the romantic classics of the time, decides to gift this prime-location house to his son as a wedding present… Top-tier real estate agent.

The family outlived Austen, Brontë, and the other classics, until one of the heirs decided that aristocratic life is too boring without servants to bring you tea, without gossip, intrigue, and lovers, and donated the house to the municipality. That gave us, the common folks, the chance to peek into the lives of wealthy Dutch citizens from the Golden Age. Still, like most museums, besides being an old building with a few hundred chairs and pieces of furniture nobody really needs - used mostly to show off wealth... this one is a time machine. Who needs a TARDIS or Tesla when we ourselves are time travelers?

I walk into the house and instantly want to put on a velvet blazer, grab a pipe, and shout at a servant: “Bring me the finest wine!” And just imagine how many visitors from the Red Lights you'd attract if you owned a house like this. Good thing dreams are free and STDs still aren’t transmitted telepathically. Maybe it’s better to apply a bit of censorship here...“romantic” diseases.

The interior is preserved to perfection - antique furniture, mirrors that have witnessed more drama than an episode of Bridgerton... by the way, if anyone has seen Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story, drop a comment if it’s worth watching because I’m still undecided… Family portraits look down on us with condescending stares, and silverware that today would be sold as “vintage finds” for ridiculous prices. Here you can even find the original family combs, which they used to groom themselves (and probably hide little secret notes inside).

Although I have a little secret for you… Behind the house lies a French-style garden, because if you’re going to be a Dutch merchant, you must have something French... be it a garden or... a mistress. Designed after a 16th-century model, this was the spot where the former residents likely drank tea and gossiped about who married whom just for their dowry. There’s also a stable in the garden with quite an interesting name, but this is a secret for you to discover.