I Am #AliveAndThriving Today! || #IAmAliveChallenge || Daily Off-Grid Jungle Journal Entry: Day #549 - Healing a Broken Heart, the Power of Belief, and Willingness - GaiaYoga Gardens, Lower Puna, Far East Big Island, Hawai'i - Sunday, January 28, 2024

I live barefooted and naked, very close to Earth and Nature, in an 18-acre, off-grid, clothing-optional, food-forest intentional community (GaiaYoga Gardens), way out in the jungles of Lower Puna, far East Big Island, Hawai'i. I love my life, and I'm immensely grateful to live where and how I do, on my own terms! I would not want to live any other way! 😁🙏💚⚡💥🔥✴️✳️❇️👣🌱✨🤙

Warm greetings all! 😁🙏💚✨🤙

Healing this broken heart of mine is not easy. Or maybe it's that I'm so stubborn, as I know several people that seem to be able to move through tough spots like this much more quickly and easily. However it is, I can feel things beginning to move, trying to move and wiggle, and open up this wounded, locked-up, frozen, and stagnant numb dead zone within me, to get vitality flowing once again. Belief and willingness, those keep popping up in my awareness, again and again. The willingness to believe another idea or story, the willingness to believe in myself again.

Across multitudinous experiences across my life, I've seen clearly just how powerful belief is, and how radically my own life and experience can change and shift when I choose to entertain new beliefs. Why can't I seem to do it this time? Willingness. There is some rather strong resistance that I feel inside, like a hurt little kid who refuses even what he himself knows is best for him.

I keep myself very busy, both online with what I do here on Hive, Qortal, DeSo, Bastyon, and Arch Linux, as well as with the land work that I do here at GaiaYoga Gardens, with little to no time left for healing my wounded heart, human interactions, connections, or relationships, daily regular integral practices, to go out, or to do anything for the simple joy and pleasure of it. That, of course, is woefully imbalanced, and it does not nourish the human being that I am, regardless of how passionate I am, or how much sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that I do receive from working with these sovereignty-driven domains. They are amazing and wondeful, absolutely, but I also need for my humanity to be met in a way that actually feels good and nourishing to me.

Because of so many painful experiences and so much heartbreak, I disassociated from myself, my heart, and most people around me, staying to myself, focused on my own tasks, day in and day out. I'm aware of it, and I can definitely see it, now I've just got to have the courage (courage comes from cour, heart) to face this tangled clusterfuck inside of myself, to begin to untangle and unravel all the various threads of pain that I've felt, and which have made me shut down and withdraw, time and time again. I gotta say, believing a new story about myself is challenging, to say the least. Am I willing to believe in a new perspective about myself and my life, and that what I want is actually possible for me? That is the question with which I am wrestling now.

Yesterday, Sunday, as pretty much all Sundays are lately, was almost completely Hive-focused, with my usual daily tasks, and catching up fully on my notifications, as well as compiling and writing My 87th Sunday Weekly Hive Goals and Progress Update: 2/3 Weekly Goals Exceeded, and One Curation Account Swapped for Another post. I did take a short time during my day to take photos for this post, to strain out and blend kefir, as well as a little time to help Liza move some futon mattresses in the early afternoon. Other than that, Hive got the rest of of my focus, as I worked to get everything done that I needed by certain times.

I finished and published my Goals and Progress Update just before 12AM, then I spent almost an hour more doing some token management, as well as checking in on DeSo, Qortal, Bastyon, and even X for a moment or two, before finally going to bed. I definitely could have slept better or more, but I woke up around 7:30AM, did another round of token management, checked notifications on DeSo and Bastyon, then I got out of bed to go make my superfood fire coffee.

I attended the Monday Leadership Council meeting from 10:30AM to just after 11:30AM, then I headed back to the Flow House to begin writing this post. It's now just after 1:15PM, so a good time to end this post, so that I may get to my afternoon essential Hive tasks, before leaving the Flow House in the later afternoon to go do land work. I already took photos for tomorrow's incarnation of this post, so that's done for the day, which means I can get to working on the land immediately. I plan to work with plants or the garden in some way, but we'll see how it flows. I deeply appreciate you all very much! Until tomorrow! Forward, onward, and upward, joyfully together! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙

2024 Life Goals

1.) Heal my broken heart. 

2.) Bring myself and my life back into balance, integration, and wholeness, and do regular integral practices. 

3.) Make my plant nursery beautiful again. 

4.) Prepare regular batches of my medicinal teas collected from the land again. 

5.) Continue my work with Arch Linux, Hive, Qortal, Bastyon, and other sovereignty-driven technologies, as well as learn relevant coding/programming languages to more fully contribute. 

6.) Get regular healing sessions with women flowing again. 

All photos were taken with my Motorola G Power Android Phone.

Thank you all so much who have helped me get to where I am today, and allowing me to share more of the beauty and magic from my life and my world with you, and for your continuous appreciation and support! I am truly deeply grateful! 😁🙏💚✨🤙

If you'd like to find me on other alternative platforms where I have accounts (I spend most of my time here on Hive), click on this signature image below to go to my LinkTree page.

If you'd like to send me a BTC Lighting Tip (made possible by the fantastic work of brianoflondon on @v4vapp), just scan the QR image below. 👇

Signature image created by @doze, and the dividers made by @thepeakstudio, with all tweaked to their present form by me.