I Am #AliveAndThriving Today! || #IAmAliveChallenge || Daily Off-Grid Jungle Journal Entry: Day #540 - Shards of a Broken Heart, Part 2 - GaiaYoga Gardens, Lower Puna, Far East Big Island, Hawai'i - Friday, January 19, 2024

I live barefooted and naked, very close to Earth and Nature, in an 18-acre, off-grid, clothing-optional, food-forest intentional community (GaiaYoga Gardens), way out in the jungles of Lower Puna, far East Big Island, Hawai'i. I love my life, and I'm immensely grateful to live where and how I do, on my own terms! I would not want to live any other way! 😁🙏💚⚡💥🔥✴️✳️❇️👣🌱✨🤙

Warm greetings all! 😁🙏💚✨🤙

Life can be so incredibly and breathtakingly beautiful, and it can also be so intensely and deeply painful, and those two polarities are connected, for we wouldn't hurt so much if we had never known such radiant beauty, that so deeply touched our core, and enlivened our being. This does indeed seem like a great blessing and a horrible curse all rolled into one. Can we know connection and relationship without pain? Probably not, because it is such a potent catalyst for our learning and growth. We seem to learn the most and the quickest through our painful experiences. If that's the case, then I should be a master at this point...🤣

Pain is one thing, and suffering something quite different again, being our attachment or holding on to pain, or painful experiences, or even a painful perspective about ourselves. I realize as I'm typing this that I've so identified with my painful experiences, and my perspective about myself around them, that I've habituated it all into ongoing suffering, not allowing other possibilities to enter my mind.

Allowing new possibilities into my mind, however, also means opening my heart to people and connetions again, and the likelihood of further painful experiences. The trick it would seem is to allow for painful experiences, to feel them, remain present, not attach to them with a story about what they mean, allow them to pass, and move forward learning from the experience. Some part of that process seems to have gotten shortcircuited as I was growing up, getting me stuck in detrimental and limited perspectives about myself, what's possible for me, and what particular experiences meant.

Given my deep love, care, respect, reverence, and attraction for women and the feminine (as a goddess worshiper), and how much importance I give the perspectives and opinions of women, I also realize that I've so often in my life, and in my relationships with women looked to them for my sense of worth, attractiveness, meaning, and validation. That, of course, cannot work in any long-term relationship, as it means that I was not fully grounded in myself, and standing solidly on my own two feet.

Unconditionally believing in myself, having confidence in myself, trusting myself, and loving myself, seems to be my great lesson at this time, and in this experience. Learning to fully trust God, existence, and life again also seems to be of great importance.

I feel everything so very deeply, both pleasure and pain, joy and agony, illumination and darkness. We can't open our beings to being able to feel more in one direction, without also opening ourselves to experiencing the depths of its opposite. I've said recently that no matter how much I want, desire, long or yearn for a deeply fullfilling and lasting relationship with a woman as a life partner, that it would take a miracle at this point for that to become a practical reality. Perhaps being open to miracles would not be a bad idea.

Yesterday, Friday, I left the Flow House around 3PM again, later than I would have liked, focusing first on taking photos for this post. After photo taking was done, I struggled to find the inspiration and motivation to focus on land work, in large part because of this ever-stronger need and motivation to heal my broken heart. I got into a conversation with Sperry, and I ended up allowing him to lead me through something like a counseling session, which does seem to have been somewhat helpful, bringing up a lot of emotion, especially toward the end. We kept going with it until sunset.

When I was done with Sperry, I strained out kefir for my kefir-honey-cinnamon-cacao blend, made myself food, then I headed back to the Flow House, a bit later than usual, to dive into my Hive tasks, and to catch up on my notifications, which I wasn't able to complete until just after 12AM. I did a quick round of token management, then I went to bed a little after 12:30AM. I did thankfully sleep well, waking up around 7:30AM, doing another short round of token management, catching up on a particular topic in the Qortal General Chat, then going to make my superfood fire coffee around 9AM.

It's just after 1PM, so it's a very good time to end this post for now, so that I can get to my afternoon round of essential Hive tasks, before leaving the Flow House in the later afternoon to do some land work. I took all the photos for tomorrow's iteration of this post in the morning, before beginning this post, so it's not necessary to do that later. I deeply appreciate you all very much! Until tomorrow! Forward, onward, and upward, joyfully together! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙

2024 Life Goals

1.) Heal my broken heart. 

2.) Bring myself and my life back into balance, integration, and wholeness, and do regular integral practices. 

3.) Make my plant nursery beautiful again. 

4.) Prepare regular batches of my medicinal teas collected from the land again. 

5.) Continue my work with Arch Linux, Hive, Qortal, Bastyon, and other sovereignty-driven technologies, as well as learn relevant coding/programming languages to more fully contribute. 

6.) Get regular healing sessions with women flowing again. 

All photos were taken with my Motorola G Power Android Phone.

Thank you all so much who have helped me get to where I am today, and allowing me to share more of the beauty and magic from my life and my world with you, and for your continuous appreciation and support! I am truly deeply grateful! 😁🙏💚✨🤙

If you'd like to find me on other alternative platforms where I have accounts (I spend most of my time here on Hive), click on this signature image below to go to my LinkTree page.

If you'd like to send me a BTC Lighting Tip (made possible by the fantastic work of brianoflondon on @v4vapp), just scan the QR image below. 👇

Signature image created by @doze, and the dividers made by @thepeakstudio, with all tweaked to their present form by me.