A Sprig of Humble Pie with a side of Asparagus

Okay now listen… before you judge me too harshly or literally laugh out loud, let me just say that I do actually love gardening. I talk to my plants, I dig around in the dirt often and with a lot of conviction, and I even own a pair of really unflattering gumboots which make me "look like" I know what I’m doing, but a lot of the time, I am absolutely just winging it with all the enthusiasm in the world. Okay to be fair, I do know a relative amount, but my mom was always the garden guru… and by comparison, I am a total babe in the woods, lol.

Sooooo, there’s this one plant in my garden… scraggly, a bit wiry, not the kind you’d ever invite inside for tea. It’s been there for years, just loitering in the same patch like that creepy family member who just won’t get the hint, haha! I’ve walked past it countless times, always giving it the side-eye and thinking, “Eish, you really should go.” I even told it as much a few times. Not out loud, but internally… muttering.

The plant app on my phone has been my info guide since I moved here… because, well mom isn’t around anymore.. and also because my brain can only remember so much. So, one day, feeling marginally more curious than usual, I finally scanned this stubborn green straggler and well, well, wellllll…..it identified as… asparagus fern.

“Ja, right,” “Maybe it’s just a name.” is about all that went through my mind. Because in what world is asparagus a fern? A vegetable, sure. A fancy one that makes you feel like you’re at a posh Sunday brunch. But a fern? Naaaah. I dismissed it completely and carried on with life, none the wiser.

One afternoon I was watching one of my regular garden vlogs on YouTube (Anne of all trades to be specific). She casually mentions harvesting asparagus from her asparagus fern, and I actually paused the video and stood there staring at the screen like it had just insulted my intelligence, lol - ummmm, Excuse me, what?

So, naturally, I went out into the garden, with my coffee in hand as if it was going to help me process this botanical betrayal, lol.. And there it was - plain as day… an ACTUAL sprig of asparagus, I swear it was smirking at me for all the unkind thoughts I have had about it, lol. I stood there, suddenly feeling quite bad. This plant I had insulted, ignored, and very nearly uprooted had been quietly doing its thing, maturing under my very nose for years