We All Need Somebody To Lean On || [WE-123]

I can't recollect the number of times I've read "Why You Act The Way You Do" by Tim Lahaye and I get frustrated when I'm asked to make an evaluation of myself. I don't usually trust my evaluation, and when asking others, I somehow don't trust their opinion either, because people can try to be so nice, unless I'm aware that they know me so well and have a dash of wickedness as well. Oops... I mean, they can be factual and frank about it.

That is how much I can be dependent on people, as dependent as trusting their opinion of me more than mine.

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Growing up as the youngest in my family, you'd expect me to be totally spoiled and dependent on my parents, but with a five-year age difference between myself and my immediate sibling, I actually felt like I was treated way beyond my age, and that was evident in the way I interacted with my friends. Somehow, that mature person got stuck somewhere in time, and I eventually had to go at my own pace.

I am usually tentative about making friends (kinda like a fear of letting people in), but when I do, I go all the way. This includes all my vulnerabilities and irrationalities (I can be quite eccentric and weird 😂).

Dependency is relative for everyone. For the modern female stereotype, it might mean financial reliance, while to others it might just be physical support. In my case, dependency is more psychological than physical. Perhaps because I place so much importance on my emotional health.

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A few weeks ago, at the hive naija weekend engagement, we discussed how we deal with anger, and I expressed how I communicate my anger to my closest friend and how she just "magically" knows how to handle the situation. It dawned on me then how true it is, how much I rely on my friends in my most vulnerable moments. I also have a lot of older friends, a lot actually, so when I'm in need of insight or just not sure how I feel, I call them and express myself.

This reminds me of my first semester at university. It was the week before the exams were to commence, and I was having mathematics first week of exams. I haven't always been a lover of mathematics, and just the thought of the exams made me scared. That afternoon, I picked up my phone and called my mum. I began expressing my frustrations to her. The minute she started talking, telling me I'd be fine, my eyes started leaking 😂😂, I was in tears. She just calmed me down and told me to go for tutorials. I cleaned up and did as she said, I got some peace doing that and I'm sure at that moment too she prayed for me.

In a way, sharing these vulnerabilities helps me bond with people better. Though it is relatively less frequent, I try my best to be there for my friends, especially when they feel down.

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A few years ago, something happened that got me really emotional. A friend of mine lost her mum, and she had faith that if she prayed for her mum, something would happen. That day, the pastors asked if she wanted anyone to go with her, and she mentioned my name. I was in school at the time and wasn't even aware. My dad had to go to support instead, but God's ways are known to Him. When I eventually got to know, I was really heartbroken because she was so close to her mum, I thought she'd be a mess and I wasn't there to support her. Instead, I made it a point to be intentional about my friends and their emotional health as well.

In other little ways, I depend very much on my friends. The smallest things always matter the most to me, especially my most ridiculous requests, such as going on trips together, studying together, and going for walks together. People around me motivate me to try new things, and so far, I've enjoyed that! I consider that dependence.