Honoring the Memory of Burcu's Father

Burcu's father passed away 4 years ago, and she still struggles with this loss every day. Around the 10th of August, I can see her struggling, as she is reminded that her best friend is no longer with her. In Turkey, various ways are practiced to honor deceased loved ones. One particular approach that caught my attention is making donations to those in need or to charitable causes in general. Well, I must admit that I'm skeptical about donating to charity, especially in the Netherlands, where these initiatives can sometimes take up to 80-90% of the donated funds... Yes, that's the ugly truth. For me, I'd rather offer something more personal, my time and effort on the spot, or get into action myself.

Especially when it comes to sharing a heartfelt message of "please accept the spirit of a loved one," I think there can only be one way to express this, and that is doing it yourself, saying the words yourself, and not letting a stranger (who did not know the person) say these words. It makes it more meaningful in my opinion. Also, it doesn't matter what or who you share your thoughts with. It is the gesture that counts the most.

While it may not be the norm to honor your loved ones every year, I don't see any reason why we can't do so every year.

As a foreigner and traveler, doing it the traditional way, was a bit challenging, so I had to improvise. I was eager enough to do something special for Burcu, surprising her with a gathering of friends where we all could honor her father's memory. The way I know Burcu, I knew she would prefer offering something personal to someone else as well, rather than something less personal that doesn't allow her to express her gratitude for accepting her father's spirit. It was a bit of a risk, but when I saw her reaction this evening, I was happy that I made that gamble.

I didn't think twice about approaching the people I had recently met here in Folkart Vega, explained the situation, and asked if they'd be interested in coming to support, celebrate, and honor her father's memory together. They all agreed and thought it was a wonderful way to show respect and solidarity for Burcu, and her father's spirit. It's events like these that show me being in the right place at the right time.

A Moment to Cherish Life and Those Around Us

This day was pretty special, not only for Burcu maybe also for the rest of us. The gathering gave us all the opportunity to celebrate the life that we have. Be thankful for the things around us that we appreciate/think of our own loved ones that we miss terribly. Burcu was having a good time, and she was so proud to be able to share her memory of her father with our new friends. We talked about many different things and shared our life.

Instead of the traditional Lokma, I bought one KG of Baklava for Burcu to give away. There is a difference between giving away Lokma and Baklava... So, some people in Turkey may have found it odd or maybe even disrespectful to give away Baklava instead of Lokma. For me, the most important part was Burcu's happiness, and that she could offer her father's spirit to people she did not or rarely knew. If I could have bought Lokma for our group, I would've, but there were no shops offering this.

Letting Go of Perfection and Embracing Growth

One of the things that I realized when coming here, was to let go of the past and my old habits. Always trying to make everything "perfect" and to be as "efficient" as possible. I learned quite a bit here, but then again, I was also a bit forced to not make everything "perfect" or to be as "efficient" as possible. For example, the photographs in this blog post. While I usually would never have taken the photographs in the first place, due to; lightning, lack of gear, etc.. I'm happy that I took these. Of course, I asked Burcu first if she would appreciate it to have photographs of this gathering (and I also asked her if I could write about it). For me, gatherings and sharing these photographs are not just memories, but I also see them as self-growth. And of course, I am happy to be able to share a bit of Turkish culture with anyone who wants to learn about Turkish culture and its warm traditions.

Cheers,
Ruben