Dealing with Grief, Blog, New Digital Art and Photography
Dealing With Grief
We received tragic news on Tuesday.
Minime's dad has passed away. He had been sick for a while. I am not going to go into the details at this point. But uhm ... well. There was a very personal reason why I had been fighting so hard.
My little guy is hanging in there. He is a strong kid, with big a heart, worrying after his Nana and stepmother. I know it will be a long journey of healing and missing your dad at unexpected times.
I pray that he will find the love he needs to see him through. I know I will do my best to be there for him. I pray this will make him a more loving person.
It is hard for me too. He was my ex-husband, but we had a decade of happiness, and I knew him to be a very good person, even after we separated. He deserved better and a longer life. He deserved to see his son grow up and make him a grandfather.
The skies have been clear and the temperature mild these last few days and that has helped. We have been walking and letting the warm sun soothe. Our friends let their beautiful, black lab stay with us that first night and then we took him to the park the next day. Jasper gave us laughter and cuddles at just the right time. Dogs really can be little Buddhas.
Minime's uncle is coming for a visit and that will help, but then the adults are shell-shocked. I think it hits us more fully. I explained to minime that he will hear me crying a lot over the next few weeks, but that doesn't mean I am not there for him, just that I am letting the pain out. That I loved his dad too.
I explained to him the spiritual practice of alchemy.
We studied chemistry for the first time this year and so he had a frame of reference. The alchemist discovered so much about the world in the attempt to turn lead to gold, and we would do the same with the loss of his dad. We will make our spirits golden.
Advice of what might help get your kids through grief would be much appreciated. Sending love to any of you out there going through this. Remember, you are not alone. It helped him when I told him that. That he was not alone.
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I am going to leave off with a Crowded House song. He was a Kiwi.
When my grandmother passed a few years ago, she told us to look for her in the pink clouds; that was where she would be. Playing in the sunset cumulus. I told minime that his dad is now with his Baba, and everywhere we go we will take him with us.
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I think with people this is a little easier to to see. With pets...? I haven't figured it out yet.
My son has not experienced a death of a human family member so far.
My grandparents death also occurred just a few years ago. They had had a long life and that was easier to deal with. Pets are part of the eternal spirit; they are there too.
I believe that. My girl has shown she is still around a couple times already.
I'm truly sorry for your family's loss, Pryde. Hugs and a sky full of pink clouds for you to gaze upon.❤️
Thank you so much, kat.
Everyone who passed away left a spot in our heart which can't be fulfilled.
That is true. Thank you.
It is very sad when someone leaves this world but he can never come back only lives on through his memories. So sorry to hear about your family.
Thank you so much for your words. It helps.
I am so sorry.
I have been through this, although my event was very complicated.
My guiding priciple for my children, who were 11, 13, and 17 when their father, my ex-husband, died of ALS was very simple. I made every single decision by asking myself "how can I do this so that it changes the lives of my children the least? This made all my choices much easier, and my children all got through that trauma seemingly pretty well. There's no way to really know how it affected them though. It was very hard, especially to be the ex-wife, which put me, and my children, in quite a social pickle.
It sounds as if your minime is quite young. Was he living with his dad, or with you? Will his time now be spent differently, different home, school, vacations, etc?
I lost one of my "children" recently (July) and I am so very grateful that I had gotten a dog a few months before he died. He was living with me (severely disabled, so I was his caregiver), and an empty house would have been unbearable. I love that you could have a dog with you. They are angels of love.
xo
So sorry to hear about your loss. That of a child. Unbearable.
Minime only saw his dad three or fout times a year but spoke with him every Sunday. I think his birthday and Christmas will be the hardest. Fortunately his dad and I were getting along at the end and we were able to have a family Christmas last year. His stepmother has reached out to me and everyone wants to stay in touch; I don't want him to have lose anything more.
It's a very difficult loss for you both, I know that. It's great you could do Christmas together this year. Was he very sick for a long time, or was it sudden?
I'm really sorry...
There have been many losses in my life, not only my beloved parents, husband and relatives, but also animals ...
And it's very hard...
May everything be good in your family! ❤️
Thank you so much. I am sorry for your losses as well. Sending you wishes of healing.
Thank you so much! ❤️
Health and happiness to you!
I am so sorry, Pryde. I truly am. Sorry does not cover it, no excuse for my lateness. It was only your post that made me backtrack.
Loss is never easy, but, such a personal loss is devastating to the soul. I have to say that you are a remarkable mother and human being, to be able to rationalize it with a lesson is so much easier to grasp than emotions.
That you were getting along at the end is most likely what he will remember best. We always like to think the best of those we have lost. That has been my experience. Loss is unpredictable. As you rightly said, the feeling of loss comes at odd times, never when I think it will. I could be driving down the street and the feeling washes over me. No real reason was involved that would trigger it. Emotions come and go. Children are resilient, but your little minime is so adult in many ways.
To your son: You will always carry him with you, taking him to places he has never been. He will never be gone from your heart, and your love will be neverending.
Love to you both.
Thanks so much, Denise. Your words are beautiful and gracious. Mininme has being doing amazingly. He is a strong and very positive little boy, but we did have a moment yesterday where it hit him. No Daddy on Easter. But he let his emotions flow and accepted comfort and quickly turned back to his positive self. It helped that he had a Facetime with his step-mom and brother. For me ... some odd thing triggers a memory and then I realize again he has passed. But overwhelming at this point I feel incredibly grateful to have had him in my life and to have those memories. I expressed that Minime and he agrees. Such a beautiufl boy we have.
Much love to you too, Denise and you incredibly kind heart:)
I think the very beginning is a little easier because your expectation is that you will be devastated. Weeks and months down the road, when you realize that you aren't devastated every moment, that is when it becomes a different kind of moment.
You are such a strong and brave soul, raising another strong and brave soul. You were lucky to have each other. Your son is proof of that. ❤️
Yes, I feel that too. Thank you, Denise:)