Summer Weekend in Leiden - Netherlands
This summer I didn't take any vacation. I had to do so much in life, including regular therapy sessions, that I couldn't plan anything outside of the Netherlands. Building the future from scratch once again is not so simple. Now that I have more space to think about my future, the reality of European life kicked me hard. I completed a digital entrepreneurship course, improved my mental health condition, worked on other medical issues, and finished a few document works. Working on building a future while suffering from severe depression and trauma is hard, so after finishing a few important things in life, I guess I am allowed to give myself some credit.
To be honest, for me, these things are hard. Some days are still difficult, and that's why I cannot write like before. It's not like I don't have topics to talk about; I don't have motivation. Lack of motivation is also a sign of my depression, I know it. I tried a lot of things so far to recover. Some worked, some didn't work, but in the end, darkness just haunts me. I stopped complaining, and I stopped talking about how I feel. I think it's pointless to talk about my difficulties. Anyway, I am going to talk about my summer. By the way, in July, I completed my 8 years on the Hive blockchain, and I didn't celebrate it. I wanted to write a post, but then I lost motivation. My finger didn't find anything to write...
This summer, I just went here and there to spend the weekend. Mostly went to the nearby cities, walked around, and had some food. I didn't do much even though I wanted to do some nice activities. But still better than doing nothing. So, a few weeks ago, on a hot summer day, I went to the Dutch city of Leiden. I went to Leiden before during the holiday season, but this time I chose summer days to experience the Dutch summer culture and architecture.
Leiden- Netherlands
Leiden is indeed a beautiful city, especially when it comes to enjoying summer activities. Museums, antique shops, boat rental and riding, canal cruise, beaches, or relaxing canal walk make this city attractive among tourists. I would say it is far more relaxing to walk in Leiden than in Amsterdam. When I was there, I saw a lot of events which was happening in the city center. Weekends are not boring at all. Last time when I was in Leiden, it was winter time, so the atmosphere was completely different. The city was calmer and gloomier in the winter.
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It's been more than 3 years since I have been staying in the Netherlands, so to me, most of the Dutch cities seem similar now. It might sound harsh, but architecture-wise, most of the Dutch cities are identical. So, I went to Leiden just to walk around, especially nearby park area of Molen De Valk. It's a prominent windmill park area of Leiden and is close to the train station. The park area of the windmill is really beautiful. You can walk around, spend time with friends, family, or with your dog, or have a lunch picnic. It's nice...
So after walking in the park and the canal area of the windmill, I went to the city center. I explored some shops and nearby restaurants in the area of Hartebrugkerk (Hartebrug Church) in Leiden. I found a few antique shops that sell unique products. But I was not there to buy anything, so I just took a short walk. One thing that exhausts me on summer days is the summer heat. I get tired easily and can't have a long walk. I always need to take a quick break or sit somewhere.
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I think going on summer days on the boat is the favorite Dutch thing to do. That is actually a popular activity I have noticed in Leiden. Tons of private boats on the canal in summer, and people are partying or enjoying a boat ride on the canal. The harbor area was almost full and I felt like there were more boats than cars I have seen in Leiden... Hahaha...This time I didn't walk much, so I didn't go to the main harbor area or the beach area. I mostly walked around the city center and some neighborhood areas.
Maybe one day I will have my own boat, who knows...
Some boats were occupied in the restaurant area. Some restaurants offered an outdoor sitting area on the floating boat.
In summer, canal-side areas seemed much more vibrant and cheerful than in winter. You won't find anyone near the canal area in winter...
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After 2 and a half hours of walking, my depression suddenly kicked in, and I lost motivation to enjoy the city. Somehow, everything felt faded, and I was so demotivated. So, I decided to find a restaurant to eat something, but I didn't know what to eat. These things are happening recently, and that's why I didn't go on a trip. Because sometimes out of nowhere, I have a panic attack, and I just don't feel good anymore. So, to cool myself down, I just went to a Greek restaurant. I never tried Greek food before, so this was my first time tasting Greek food.
I ordered some nice food and did some food photography. I already forgot the name of the food and what I ordered, so I can't write about the food. If you know the name of the dish, please let me know. I can't remember because some part of me was not there anymore and didn't pay any attention. When I feel overwhelmed, I forget things, and a part of my time gets erased. It might sound strange, but that is a part of my mental struggle.
Many people think that I made up things, but I am the one who can bring changes in life and control everything. Yes, I can control, I have control over myself, but when my surroundings start fading or feel like black and white, I only think about survival and how to stay safe. My struggle nobody will understand, and I don't want others to understand...It's okay, I can be a weirdo or a different person...
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After lunch, I decided to leave Leiden, so I didn't stay much longer. I could have stayed longer, maybe tried to find something to enjoy, but I was not feeling anything. Besides, I thought about myself and everything was too much already, so I came back home safely...
Maybe I will go there again some other time...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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It's good that you've taken some time to write and clear your mind. Writing and publishing, even if you don't feel like it, can help you occupy your mind with other things. Happy 8th anniversary to you. Best regards, @priyanarc
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Thank you so much for your understanding. I often thought no one gonna understand the meaning of my post. I am glad people can understand my messy words and scattered feelings...
Hello, I send you a hug from afar. I have always thought you were a very brave person for having the strength to express how you feel. It is very easy to talk about and share when we are happy, but not when the opposite is true. Personally, I find it very difficult to be vulnerable and write when I feel sad, hence my admiration. @priyanarc 🤗
Motivation is everything. Without it, there is no inspiration, and forcing things is not good. It is difficult to write when you don't feel like it.
This post is very nice. It has beautiful photos and delicious food, even though I don't know what it's called, haha. I can see cheese there. I have never tried Greek food, but that made me want to. Your post also has something curious: more boats than cars, haha. Yes, I believe it.
You're working hard on yourself, you deserve to celebrate. You know, sometimes I sit and think and I get sad because I'm surprised that I don't have goals for the future, I don't have dreams, I have no motivation to live, I have moments like that. Forgive me, I don't think it was the right time to tell you.
I loved hearing that you're working on your future. I'll tell you what a friend of mine tells me: one day at a time.
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Thanks 🥹
Me too, and that's why I cannot write much. I often wrote what was in my mind, and I noticed recently that whenever I try to write something, my words are identical and I repeat the same lines again and again. It's not like I lost writing skills; I just struggle finding the right words to express how I feel. I have a lot of pending travel posts that need to be published, but I just don't have the motivation to write the real experiences...I guess most of the time, I am vulnerable...
I cannot remember the food name 🤣, it would have been nice if I could remember what I ate...😅 Netherlands is famous for canals, so boat activities in summer are a must thing to do in Dutch culture during summer...Next time, maybe I will also take a nice cruise or maybe go kayaking...
No, I totally get it. I deal with depression, so a large part of me feels demotivated and remains in the dark. I just function for day-to-day life... If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to reach out to me...
🥰🫠🤗 Thank you very much. @priyanarc
awww,,, sending you virtual !HUG my friend.. we all go through those difficult parts of our lives.. it's nice that you are slowly getting back on track.. slowly but with progress.. don't overwhelm yourself, one step at a time.. If you feel like doing something, go for it.. don't let others stop you... but if you don't feel like it, it's okay,, there's always another time.. give yourself a rest..
and you are right,, you are the one who controls your life..
I hope you are feeling a bit better right now.. ❤️
Yes, there is always another time, that's why I don't force myself. I know many people don't understand what's going on inside me, but I really don't care anymore. It's okay if I don't communicate, it's okay if I don't write or do anything productive for a few days... I started accepting the condition of my life and slowly took one step at a time. My safety is my first priority, and that's why I don't do anything that will cause issues later. Thank you so much for understanding and for the hug... It means a lot to me...
Sorry to hear about your struggles. We all have some things we struggle with, some struggle more and some struggle less and I agree unless you are going through the same struggles it is not possible to understand them. For example I see my wife struggle with a few health issues almost every day. I have seen it for years, I strongly emphasize with her, but I cannot really fully understand it because I never had a severe migraine myself.
The Greek food you had looks absolutely delicious, I have had Greek food before, but the dishes you shared besides the French fries are un-familiar to me. Good that you had a productive summer, keep going you are strong and can eventually overcome your struggles and if you feel down, just retreat into safety like you did from Leiden.
BTW, I have never been to Netherlands other than airport so to me the buildings, waterways, boats and everything else looks cool and new :)
Thank you for sharing the images of the city.
I have chronic migraine, and I suffer from it from time to time. From the outside, it looks normal, but when it happens, I just feel like my body and head are separated from each other. The good thing is I was able to cut down medication that I was taking for 2 years for mental health, and now slowly processing everything on my own. I still take medication for migraine, it's unavoidable, so I understand your wife's struggle...I am glad you are there for her...
Greek food was never familiar to me, and when I was at a restaurant, I had to communicate with the waiter about the food because of the use of certain food products. The food was delicious, though. One was a chicken mushroom dish, and another one was some kind of cheese toast.
I left early because I knew my limitations and I felt like it was the right thing to do before my situation became worse...
The Netherlands is really nice, it's very unique and beautiful indeed. So much to do here... I live here, that's why I guess I feel everything is the same...😂
Thanks a lot for the wonderful message...
You are welcome!
Sending you a bigggg !HUG
You are doing so good thinking of you and your health. Every little step now is a step towards your future.
Well done for all of that. It is hard sometimes and most don’t share their struggles… keep doing it. It helps.
Lovely day out with beautiful photos.
Take care my friend 🤗 enjoy Dutchyland.
Yes, and some also consider these kinds of feelings taboo. I hear a lot from people saying everything is in my mind, my brain is making up things, and I gave too much power to my brain and mind. A lot of judgment I faced past 2 years, but in the end I realized, my struggle is my struggle, no one's gonna understand it, so their judgmental advice might not work on me...Building a life from scratch drives me nuts, but I am slowly taking steps...
Thank you, if you ever plan to come to the Netherlands, maybe we can plan something to meet each other in person if you want...
Yes, in many cultures they are and one shouldn’t talk about such things. Luckily this mindset is changing and it is accepted now to share. It so helps to share in many ways.
Good you think about that way now. Your struggle is yours, some might never understand.
I can imagine… starting a new life in a new place and culture is hard.
I moved countries 8 times in my life now. Every time it was a fully new start and sometimes also a new language. Sometimes it is easy to fit in but sometimes it just isn’t. Due to many things…
Take all the time you need to settle and give direction on your new life and one step at a time works best. There is no time frame.
Oh I am regularly in Dutchy land or driving through it (visiting friends and family or making it part of a road trip, I am Dutch). As you could see in my last 2 post I was there very recently. Hope you can find time to visit Heusden it is cute.
Unfortunately mostly my visits are on the other side of the country. Would be nice to meet up one day. Maybe we can do half way.
Sending you a big hug. Enjoy your day!
!LUV
It's so nice to see one of your posts; they are beautiful photos. You have a great eye for taking photographs.
Every person faces their own particular process at their own pace. No one can criticize another for the speed at which they move through the stages.
Panic attacks are one of the most desperate things that can exist, and I know very well how hard it is to deal with them. I hope the time comes when you can better overcome this stage.
Take care of yourself. I send you my best wishes.
No idea how I missed your comment, but I am glad I saw it today...
You always appreciate the photos I share, and to be honest, that always makes me happy, thinking someone likes these photographs. I am still trying to find a solution to avoid panic attacks because they happen quite often. I think it's part of my mental health issues that I am dealing with currently. I also hope I will be able to overcome it in time...
Thank you for the wishes, really appreciate it...
Collecting photos is something I've enjoyed for years, and I really like the ones you share with each post.
I suffered from panic attacks, and they made my life quite difficult. I know how difficult the experience is. I still have one sometimes. In my case, hypnosis therapy helped me; each person is different, so I don't know which therapy would work best for you.
I just hope you find the best way to move forward.
I used to collect stickers and stamps of different countries long time ago, and they used to give me a lot of joy...
My therapist suggested hypnosis therapy, but I am still not sure about it. My idea is to deal with it first by myself, but if it continues and I fail, definitely I have to listen to the therapist...I know every person is different, so I understand. I am sorry you had to go through this also... I hope you are well now...
I always wanted to collect stamps, but I didn't have anyone to share the mail with.
Today, it's a reminder of that beautiful wish.
Two tips for hypnosis therapy:
No hypnosis therapy can force you to do something against your principles, but it's necessary that the therapist has very good references.
Take care, I'll see you next time.
It looks like such a lovely summer day. Even if the scenes are a bit familiar to you now, it still looks quite pleasant. I can imagine how nice it would be to take a small boat down the canals, sipping fine wine and eating cheese. I am sad to hear about your struggle with the panic attacks and memory loss, hopefully you can find some peace and can keep yourself happy and safe. :)
It is actually nice and very relaxing and enjoyable...And with this kind of view, the moment becomes more vibrant. That's why here many people have their own boat and in summer they don't stay at home during the day. They spent most of their time on the boat...
I do struggle a lot day to day life, but considering the past 2 years, I am doing way better. I dealt with PTSD, so the current situation is nothing compared to those dark days...Thank you for your kind words...
I don't blame them, if I had a boat, I'd want to spend all of my days floating around too.]
I am sorry to about your PTSD, but I am glad that the days are brighter. The hard times help us to appreciate the nice things in life. I hope the shadows can stay in the past and each new day gets a bit brighter. :)
I can imagine 😁
Thank you again, it means a lot...
Never force yourself to write Priyan. Write only when you feel like it, it will come naturally, and the best content will come out as it always does for you. As always, take care of yourself and believe in yourself
To be honest, Pauline, when I see my Hive profile, it looks very inactive and makes me sad. There was a point in life when I used to represent every part of my life, and now things have changed so much that I don't have the strength to write anything good. I always feel tired and feel like sleeping all day and night...
Thank you, it means a lot. I needed to hear it because somehow I am always demotivated. I recovered a lot, made a lot of changes, and made huge progress. I am happy about it... Thank you once again, yes, I should keep faith in myself more...Have a nice weekend...Take care...
Oh, I could just eat that greek salad. It's 10 pm here and all I have in my fridge is one tomato and a soggy cucumber. I don’t think I can do much with them.
I know it's difficult for you to write at the moment, but when you do, you've still got it!
I love Greek salad as well; they are very tasty. I like the traditional one mostly without feta, but I don't mind it with feta as well. You definitely need to go to the vegetable shop tomorrow. For now, biting a tomato might work...😂
I guess I still have that writing mindset somewhere hidden. It is just a difficult time for me...
Yes, writing can wait but you do it so well. It's a testament to you that you manage to write at all.
😊
This is good that you roamed around..it can ease what you feel and help you to relax. Sometimes, life can be tough, but you need to be strong. Hugs to you.
Absolutely, sometimes life can be tough, and we all have some kind of struggle. It's up to us how we can divert ourselves. Life is full of challenges and difficulties, yet we try to stay positive always...
Yes, we think should be positive.
Always great to see your name appear!
From reading your recent posts in which you say things aren't going too well, I feel that you actually sound stronger and more resilient. Earlier posts in which you discussed your health were sometimes a little neutral in tone but now you're sounding rather 'badass' , which might be a good thing!
I guess the 'cant be arsed ' feeling will resonate with anyone with even the slightest mental health issues. The fact you went in the first place is the huge win though!
Keep going. You're doing well, and your honesty and transparent discussions of your health are truly inspiring.
More boats, my friend 😀
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Aww, yes, you are not wrong. I am doing way better than before, even with the difficulties I have. My therapist also told me that a few things will stay and won't be removed, just like memories cannot be erased completely. Time will heal me, and the struggle will be less in time...I guess I am easy to understand when I write...
I agree...
I am going to write something for others soon. I used to think no one actually read my post except a few friends on Hive. But if I can help someone by sharing my experiences, I take it as a win. My last Popmart post helped someone outside of Hive. Fun fact, I don't know how she got my post because she was not on Hive. She reached out with a few questions and told me she found my post somewhere...It was truly inspiring that I could help someone with information outside of Hive from Hive... Isn't it strange...
I really feel the strength it takes to keep moving forward while dealing with depression, therapy, and everything else on your plate,I was diagnosed with MDD year 2018 I don't know how I did it I stopped taking my medication, all I know is I got tired and immune with it and just kept going no matter where life took me, the road was not easy, I still struggle with it till now but still kept going. It’s okay if some days feel heavy or if motivation is hard to find,you’re still showing resilience by learning, exploring, and taking care of yourself in the ways you can. Visiting Leiden, even if it wasn’t perfect, was still a step toward experiencing life outside of the routine, and that matters. Every small step counts, and you deserve to be proud of yourself for making it through each day. Keep reminding yourself that healing takes time, and progress doesn’t have to be loud or fast,it just has to keep going. You’ve already proven you have that strength. 💙
I can tell you already know the difficulties, and I also stopped the medication. After stopping the medication, obviously, things became a bit challenging and I struggled a bit more... I needed to hear these kind words because I know not everyone will understand how hard it is...I take small steps every day, not every day is perfect, but I am making small progress...