Pain, Truth, and Darkness - Mental Health and Treatment

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I often hesitate to write about my life; maybe it's a shameful feeling or something strange that pushes me away from writing. I am not busy but my daily routine structure is strange. I don't do anything productive at all but I do a few activities to keep my mental health issue stable.

I won't say that the past few weeks have been challenging but I faced a lot of difficulties on my way to do something. I never worked on my tax, in Ukraine the system was different and everything was done by someone so I never knew what was happening. Everything was automated and connected. Besides in Ukraine, tax was not that high so it was different. When I started working in Holland, obviously I paid taxes but I didn't know that I have to do some paperwork as well. And nobody told me what to do, how to claim a yearly tax discount or something so I didn't do anything. Well, last week I received a letter from the tax office and after reading the letter I was kinda shocked because the letter was saying I have to pay extra money. Still, I didn't understand what kind of mess my employer created because as far as I have understood that the payment was related to my salary because as a Ukrainian residence holder, my other taxes are almost free. I guess a normal person would have been stressed after receiving such kind of letter related to tax and a nice amount of pending money.

As a result, I was stressed and I didn't know what to do. I was feeling kind of helpless because I have zero knowledge about tax calculation and how the entire process works. Here in the Netherlands, nothing is free so if I need a professional help who can help me with tax matters, I definitely have to pay. So, my ex-employer created a lot of mess for me that I need to solve now. Next week I have to go to the tax office to solve the issue because if I don't sort out this soon, I will be in a problem again. Maybe for some, this is not a big issue but for an individual like me who is dealing with anxiety, PTSD, and PTSS issues, this situation caused anxiety and stress. I was having panic attacks almost every day thinking about what I am gonna do, and how I am gonna solve such a mess created by the company where I used to work with. The easiest way is to talk to my ex-employers which I am not gonna do. So, one thing is clear; I need to seek professional help to solve my tax problem.


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This photo was taken around 2 months ago when I visited Zaandam City for the first time. Only I know how I managed to take this photo and it was a struggle. Still, now many people don't understand me and my sickness. Not only do I struggle to describe my situation but also people cannot understand what kind of struggles an individual faces with psychiatric problems.

The number of my therapy sessions has increased, it's not like my treatment process or my recovery process is going downward, these therapies are part of my recovery. Each of the doctors works on the different sections of my psychiatric and psychological sections. For example, I have a psychologist who talks to me every week to keep my daily life stable and meaningful. Her main job is to hear my bullshit, imaginary thoughts, and daily life complaints. When she sees me, she just gives me a smile and says are you ready to vent out everything!!! Two new therapy sessions have been added to my treatment list which is: one for my trauma, and the other one for my nightmares. I really don't like doing the session related to my nightmares because I personally feel the process is hard and recalling nightmares or remembering intense nightmares. The most difficult part of the therapy is to talk about those intense unconscious moments and write about them.


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I go out frequently for a long walk. The long walk always helps to vent all the negativity and feelings. I face a lot of difficulties talking to people, communicating, or doing something productive. I struggle when it comes to doing something using my brain and requires a lot of physical activities. I try my best to end my day in a very positive way.

Lately, a few thoughts are spiraling inside my mind. I want to see mountains, lakes. I want to be somewhere alone for a while and few locations are in my mind. The situations, and circumstances of my life are not normal but I am trying to keep things simple so that I don't feel overwhelmed. The trauma from the previous work and Ukraine war is still there and now one new situation is added, my childhood trauma and circumstances. I never recall my past but my past always finds a way to connect to my present and make me suffer. It might seem awkward but my brain is unique and it gathers several incidents and often relates my present with the past to create a scenario. Such scenarios are awful and sometimes hard to accept and that's why so many therapies were suggested to me.


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I am a human and I have both bad and good sides. I am holding so much pain, unbearable truth, and hateful darkness inside me that was completely unknown to me throughout my entire life so far. I never learned to vent my emotions, pain, and darkness, I only kept them locked always and moved on. Instead of facing and embracing my darkness, I often ran away from the dark truth and never knew that in the end, all of my feelings will haunt me one day.

What I have learned is that before venting all the truth, pain, and darkness of my life, I have to face them first, deal with them, and then let them go. Does this process make any sense!! I don't know...



Love

Priyan...



I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...



Find me on:


All images used are captured by the author...



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67 comments
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Taxes in each country very different, another taxing thing added to our daily routine when battling to cope.

Lovely photography from your walks and visits, hope you feel a little stronger every day.

@tipu curate

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Like I said, I have zero knowledge about taxes and I don't know much about how the Tax system works in the Netherlands. That's why I need a professional who can help me understand what to do.

These photos I have taken during spring, it was a beautiful day indeed...

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Each country has a different tax system, safest to find someone to assist you, a charge for their time is an added expense. Take care!

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Yes, I also think it won't hurt a lot if I really take professional help to solve this issue...

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Trust you find the right help able to overcome soon.

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Stay strong honey!☺️

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Thanks, dear, you also take care and stay safe...

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If you want to write - write. This is a good form of self-help. If there is time - definitely go for a walk. And, most importantly, try to solve any even small matters, the more close questions there are, the less anxiety there will be.

You know my discord, there will be questions about mental health - write, Your friend is a doctor from Ukraine.

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(Edited)

try to solve any even small matters, the more close questions there are, the less anxiety there will be.

I try but sometimes my mood and feelings are overwhelming and push me away from the process. I hope in time, I will be able to do it too...

Your friend is a doctor from Ukraine.

Can you please leave a text on Discord for me?

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(Edited)

hi

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I must admit, your English is so good now. I expected Ukrainian writing from you, poor me :D Thanks, Man...

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Oh the bloody taxes. You have my sympathy. I wouldn’t know what to do either. I hope you get someone to help you with it all. Hopefully, it might not be as bad as you thought.

Keep writing. Keep venting! ❤️

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Looks like I am not alone. I don't know how the tax system works and how to deal with it when there is a problem. Obviously, there is a solution and loophole, I just need to know about that and need an individual who can help me deal with the issue...

Keep writing. Keep venting!

Currently, writing feels exhausting but surely will try to write my words to feel good and my mind can relax a bit...

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Is there any voluntary organisation that you can go to with your tax issue?

Have you tried writing a physical diary? I know it's probably a little old fashioned nowadays but might help getting your thoughts down, without having to write a lot. ❤️

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Is there any voluntary organisation that you can go to with your tax issue?

I am looking for it but to be honest, the success rate is 1% I guess because everybody hires a lawyer or accountant for themselves if they are unable to do it by themselves.

Have you tried writing a physical diary?

I have but it is almost blank. I used to keep a diary but after a privacy violation, I stopped keeping it. It's a long story, people are always curious to mysterious and hidden things :D

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Yes, I take your point. People need to keep their noses out!

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Taxes varies in countries tho, I could not even remember the last time I paid tax as a student but I guess I paid when I pay for my tutor fee. It's a good thing you were able to disclose about the tax and so sorry about your health issues..

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Here the system is complicated but as far as I understand, many people know how the system works. Also, people take professional help when it comes to calculating yearly account balances and yearly taxes.

Thank you for reading my post...

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Absolutely!! This process makes perfect sense. We need to take the darkness out of our souls so that light can enter them.
Only you can know the depth of that well, but from how your writing has evolved and how you express yourself, I know that you have advanced a lot to get where you are now. Keep it up!!
Hugs. ♥️🤗
!LUV

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This process makes perfect sense. We need to take the darkness out of our souls so that light can enter them.

That's what my psychologist told me. It is very important to go through all the feelings and end them in a positive way so that I don't feel regret, guilty, or depressed. But personally, I find this process very exhausting and challenging because it's so hard to go through all the dark feelings once again and for all...

but from how your writing has evolved and how you express yourself, I know that you have advanced a lot to get where you are now. Keep it up!!

Yes, whenever I read those posts that I posted in February and when I compare them with my current situation, I can see the improvement...

Take care dear...

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Well I can relate to your problems sometimes it even feels Asif you are the only one going through all those bullshit and people tend not to understand. I am currently battling depression and I can say that it's not easy...you just gotta stay strong we will do it to the end

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I am currently battling depression and I can say that it's not easy

I am sorry to hear that and if there is something I can do please let me know. Also, if necessary do not hesitate to ask for help like I did. I know it's difficult to talk about it and many people don't understand mental health issues. But it's very important to seek help...

I can tell you one thing, dealing with the mental issue is difficult but the most difficult part is to recover from it...

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Yea it's really not easy to deal with it take care

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You can do well to follow me up I will want to be writing on such issues

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Taxes differ in every geographical area and that's what we have to deal with besides it adds to stressing us out, the many therapy sessions could be annoying, I'm sorry you have to go through alot but trust me you'll be fine

Your hive family loves♥️💛 you alot

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Considering my sickness, I have to take those therapies whether I want or not. Because if I deny to take any further treatment, in the future my mental condition can be worst.

Taxes differ in every geographical area and that's what we have to deal with besides it adds to stressing us out,

I guess I am not alone who stressed out when it comes to dealing with the yearly tax payment issue. I will definitely find someone to help me out...

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Hi, I feel your pain, and hate dealing with taxes. I do it each year here in the UK and find it stressful each time. I dont know if this helps or not, and I guess it will be different in Holland, but here is a list of where I go for help in doing my taxes each year, and options you could maybe explore:

  • UK government tax website, which explains everything. Its detailed and boring as hell, but I would have thought the Dutch government will have something similar. In the UK you can also call the tax office to get some limited help - you can wait for a long time to get an answer, but its an option,
  • Believe it or not, youtube is quite god for help. There is quite a lot of good UK tax help around, with some of it coming from accounting companies who are making the videos, so that you then may consider them for dealing with your tax business. This is good in 2 ways:
    1 - the video are quite informative and often provide the answer I need,
    2 - It helps me to identify some good tax accountants here in the UK that I can go to if I'm really stuck,
    So maybe have a look on there for Dutch tax help for your specific tax problem,
  • In the UK there are some free advice agencies (eg, citizens advice bureau). They can be very busy, and may not always have the exact advice you need, but maybe that is also an option in Holland. In addition, is there any support organisations for Ukranians in Holland that may be able to offer tax help/advice,
  • Find a good tax accountant. The majority here are very good, and I would have thought its the same in Holland. I tend to deal with individual accountants who have their own small company rather than big corporate accountants, and hence I pay less for their services as a result. It may be necessary to just do this, and take the hit of paying for the service to resolve this one time issue,
  • Lastly, with Hive being such a great community, is there another Dutch Hiver that could maybe atleast help or advise ? I dont know if there is a Dutch Hive forum where you could maybe ask, etc ?

Anyway, I hope this has helped, and I really do understand how stressful this is. I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Each year I always find that the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on and complete it as soon as I can. As soon as I've done that, the stress of it goes away !

Best of luck !
Cheers @hoosie :)
!LUV
!HUG

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Wow, that has been an answer with a lot of interesting information to review. It's not with me, but I still have to thank it, I have to copy it in a separate text and study a little about it.

Stay !ALIVE
!Gif Well Done!

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Thank you so much for such informative feedback and really I have got a basic idea of what I have to do next. Here, after talking to so many people, I realized that I have to pay a visit to the tax office and have to know if there is something for Ukrainians. To visit the tax office obviously an appointment is needed but I won't wait for that because I decided to go to the office end of this week. I will watch some youtube videos as well to get a basic idea so that I know what to do next.

Find a good tax accountant.

Somebody already told me to do that or to find good accounting companies. Also, free legal advice can be taken and I have taken lawyer advice before when I had problems with my contract. I know Dutch Hivers and will contact them if I don't find any other option...

Thank you so much...

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Hello.

When I read about the taxes, yes, I admit it, I felt a little stressed, I have more phobia of people from the treasury and taxes than going to a hospital.

It's a shame you can't count on the company you used to work for. And certainly, it is best to seek professional help to avoid further tax complications.

I read about the team of doctors, and it kept me thinking that despite the fact that the treatment may be hard in some parts, at least you are doing it and that should help move things forward.

I liked the photo of the water channel, I think that urban landscape and the watercourse are relaxing.

Furthermore, I read about your difficulties, and I remember that humans are a mixture of shadows and lights, a dynamic, unstable and complicated mixture of things, memories and ideas. That can give very creative and good results, but it can also lead to having a complicated head full of old nightmares. So it's good to do what you say, face the fact that you have a problem, or more than one, then work on solving them progressively.

I wish you that everything improves in a short time. Be well and regards to Gigi.


Stay !ALIVE
!LOLZ
!GIF taxes
!PGM
!LUV
!CTP

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For solving tax difficulties, I definitely seek help from professionals because I know nothing about Netherlands rules so far. I thought because I am staying here temporarily, so I don't need to do anything but obviously in Holland, rules are the same for everybody. I am also having difficulties thinking about the future because it seems the war in Ukraine will last long. Many Ukrainians already went back home to Ukraine and now I have to decide what to do next. I talked to my doctor about this and she said after the treatment, I should think about it. I don't know. I also have to think about opportunities, and shouldn't take any decisions because of emotions based on my past life.

Thank you...

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I love the photos you took, they are nice☺️☺️ I honestly wish you find yourself each day and keep your mental health in check which is the most important thing☺️

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Thank you so much, I am trying my best and so far the treatment is going well...

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Being close to nature, the mountains, with their calm lakes, helps the spirit a lot. Long ago they referred to this effect as "mountain air", the point is that it has beneficial effects on people's health and mental state.

So it would be a good idea, if you could spend moments surrounded by that environment of mountains and lakes.

I have to praise every time you share photos with us, they are so pretty. You have a good eye for photographing the places you visit.
Take care of yourself and I hope you manage to solve your matter with the taxes.

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You have a good eye for photographing the places you visit.

Thank you so much for the appreciation, I thought I lost that skill after the breakdown.

I also thought visiting mountains and lakes would be a good idea for my health. Perhaps a miracle might happen and I will be able to find my strength back after the trip, who knows...

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Your story is encouraging. It really make sense. It will help one who is facing similar situation to face it with faith. Knowing that someone has overcome it.

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I started writing my struggle journey in February and if you read those posts, I am sure you will understand my entire recovery process. I felt ashamed in the beginning but now I am glad I wrote about it...

Thank you for the encouragement...

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I hope things are better soon :( Where are you planning on going?

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