Officially Summer Arrived in Netherlands - Life and Mental Health
I can't believe that so many days passed since I wrote my last post about my life and health. I was feeling frozen, completely stuck within my unstable world. It feels like this dark phase of life is never going to end. I completely lost motivation on many things, lost consistency and I hardly can recognize myself. Due to high-power medications, I have gained so much weight and I didn't realize that until summer arrived. Actually, I didn't pay proper attention to my physical health and now I am having body shaming issues. I am not a Gym person but seeing the fat on my body is making me uncomfortable. Most of my clothes do not fit anymore.
I didn't know what to share, or what to write about myself. I had a feeling that people might don't wanna read about my sad, unhealthy stories and also I was kind of bored with my thoughts as well. How long an individual can be depressed and stay stuck like this? Sometimes my brain works so fast that my body cannot keep up with it. I come up with some insane ideas which are hard to fulfill. For example, I have been thinking to take a new job for quite a while but my psychologist strictly said to me not to involve in my work life because I won't be able to keep up the commitment currently. Long story short, I was busy doing nothing actually...
Silence is good sometimes...
Gigi started going to her training school and also she has a personal trainer now. Well, I had to give her a personal trainer because I cannot handle her properly and she don't consider me Alpha. She is a very clever dog and she knows when to take proper advantage of me. Money is flowing because the dog trainer is expensive here. The money I have saved so far from my previous job is going behind her training. I don't mind spending money on my dog Gigi but I also wanna see results as well. I hope Gigi will learn patience and obedience. Gigi sometimes put me in an embarrassing situation and to be honest, I really feel complicated at that moment. It's like I feel ashamed that I cannot handle my dog properly.
Gigi's trainer said that she is a stressed dog and she also deals with stress. The trainer doesn't know about my condition but seeing Gigi's behavior, she just told me that and showed me tricks on how to reduce her stress. I am giving Gigi time as much as possible.
My therapy session is still ongoing and I don't know for how long I have to deal with this darkness. But it feels good that I have someone to talk to, knowing my thoughts are in safe hands and I won't be judged. I started talking to people but very carefully. My psychologist said that I am recovering and doing better than before. After increasing the doses of my medications, the intensity of nightmares reduced a bit but still, it's not recovered. I wrote in my last post that I have been dealing with a disease called Cognitive dissonance and also suffering from PTSD and depression. I am still in a delicate situation but my strong personality now knows how to fight and not feel overwhelmed by uncertain circumstances.
I did a few things in the past weeks, but nothing extraordinary. Well, I didn't travel but I did small activities like buying summer clothes. I am focused on doing small things and relish my achievements. Also, I started planning for my Iceland trip. I fix my hair as well. I have stopped thinking about my future, it put me into depression. Instead, my psychologist advised me to focus on the present and to be happy with small achievements. Initially, I find this task very silly but eventually, I learned that it is very important to stay well in the present.
Past two weeks I had been in a rough situation and was having a very emotional phase. I cried a lot, called my psychologist several times, and thought about taking excess levels of medicines to shut down my thoughts yet here I am writing this post today.
I am discovering myself every day. I can't change anything in the past. I cannot change many things in the present but I am learning to adjust and adapt. War took everything for me but also opened a brand new door for me. It's just me who cannot accept and move forward. Many don't understand the life I am having currently, strangers say that this is an incredible opportunity for me to start a new life. But to start a new life, I need to be strong. I need courage and motivation and that is lacking from my side. I don't know what I want in life, I don't know what is my goal, what I wanna achieve.
Officially summer arrived in the Netherlands and I didn't even notice how quickly spring left. I see good vibes around me, people seem happy and relaxed. I spend time outside, sitting and watching people, and activities while grabbing a paper cup of coffee. I find myself alone sometimes, completely lonely in this new country. I am also dealing with some personal issues and those issues really interrupt my recovery process. But I am alright, good and alive...
What's next!!! I don't know yet...
P.S.: Many of my Hive friends reached out to me and texted me personally due to my inactivity on the blockchain. I wish I could explain that feeling reading those thoughtful texts, people actually care about me and I am lucky. This is something I will never get anywhere because it is love from my Hive friends who genuinely care about me and adore me.
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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All images used are captured by the author...
It has been a while. Glad to read your post.
I have only been following you for a short time so did not know you had a dog. That's nice.
I hope you find peace in your heart soon.
I used to share a lot of videos, and content about my dog before, and when I adopted her, I introduced her to Hive community. Many Hive people also saw her in person as well...
Thank you for stopping by...
Summer is a blessing for those people who are facing long frozen weather. I personally don't like my body sweat in heat. For dogs, hiring a trainee is a good job. I hope you will enjoy summer, welcome back after a short break.
My dog needed a trainer after what she had to go through in her life, she feels my stress as well so it was mandatory to make her calm and quiet. She is a good dog and very intelligent, she just needs some guidance...
Completely agree...
Which type of breed do you have? I have Huski..
Mine is Labrador...
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Thank you so much...
I used to be very enthusiastic to write, to invite new people, to hold little even in the community. somehow there's some black sheep in the family whom like to play political that making me sick, even though I am still writing, I am not as enthusiastic to do anything as before now.
Instead I start reading the other's post trying to understand their story, and of course seeing their images and imagine that I am travelling to their places. (I never visited Netherlands and your pictures on your post gives me chance to explore)
My reason is sickness and also due to my illness, I lost interest in doing different activities and later it hamper my consistency. Of course, society and surrounding are full of different s**t and I agree with you...
Holland/Netherlands is really nice, probably you should keep this location on your bucket list...
Reading other people's content is always inspiring...
I also got bad depression and anxious, I stop taking medicine for months, I can't control my emotion but the muscles on my body, fxxk that, my muscles especially my head, neck and shoulder always stiff after I stopped for the medicine, but I don't feel well (physically i mean, that's why I stopped for the depression medicine) when taking them...embarrassing
Netherlands is the place where I wanted to visit in my Europe trip for holiday one day, hopefully I can make it in short time.
Thanks for your reply with heart, pal. Have a nice day, cheers.
I feel weak and so tired and sleepy the whole day but I didn't stop taking medicines because my doctor told me not to stop. I have intense emotions and anger issues, moreover, I have suicidal tendencies so I couldn't stop my medications. Maybe you can again talk to your doctor for a consultation. Trust me, every day I feel ashamed and mean and less confident but thinking about my future, I stay strong. My point is no matter what I feel or what others feel about me, I need to be better for the future...
I wish you good luck...
Weak, tired and sleepy is very common symptoms to us. Also I got very bad temper, we are like each other. So we can completely know how painful this sort of illness is.
I resumed taking medicines last night. Thanks for your words my friend
It's good to read your words. I think I've said it before but I so appreciate and admire your honesty and bravery with all you share in your posts. (And your photos of the Netherlands!)
I hope learning how to reduce Gigi's stress will also reduce yours. You two can learn together, from each other.
To me it sounds like you have very clear goals that you are working on, finding stability and healing, training Gigi. In my experience taking the time to heal is one of the things I am most proud of.
Iceland trip sounds fun! Iceland is on my bucket list.
It takes a lot of courage, before writing anything publicly, I think twice because I have a kind of judgemental thought: "What people will think about me?". I cannot ignore or avoid this thought or cannot create a damn care attitude...
Gigi was always my priority and no matter how I feel, I never stop taking care of her. Because I know she doesn't have anyone other than me, I am the only one who is for her... Besides, this whole atmosphere caused damage to Gigi's health as well. She is a stressed dog and the whole day she spend in a confined room. It's like a cage for her...
In my opinion, it is a worthy country to explore...
It is scary! I know that feeling, too. But there are so many people out there with trauma and discombobulated mental health that can see themselves in what you write and not only feel like they are not alone, but feel hopeful.
Pilot sends flirts to Gigi! He says he'd be happy to chase her in the park. He loves to growl and chase the big dogs.
Always thinking about how you and Gigi are doing! @priyanarc❤
I hope you are well, past weeks were different but I am fine :)... Really appreciate your thoughts...
❤❤❤
Hello, it's good to read from you.
I begin by commenting that I liked the photo of the Hema building, I don't know why the shot of that orange glass building caught my attention, but I liked it.
Weight change (loss or gain) is something I have read that is common with the use of medication in treatments lasting several weeks, if you are feeling uncomfortable then it may well help to get some exercise in addition to I have seen that physical activity is also good for helping mental health.
On some occasions, my brother would have liked to have a golden retriever (like Gigi), but since we were children we had heard that they were a very intelligent breed of dogs, affectionate, but manipulative and that they could cause discipline problems because they were very good at detecting the emotional weaknesses of their humans and taking control of the relationship. I never knew if it was true, because we never had a pet of that breed of dog, but now that I read you, I remember those comments.
Regarding the duration of a depression, I really don't know what to say, I was once in treatment, but I went through several therapists, and it was for various problems, so it lasted several years, from my adolescence to my early adulthood, I guess each case takes its own time. I can only wish you a speedy improvement in your condition.
I was surprised by the trip to Iceland, but maybe a change of scenery would be good.
Know? I have heard that advice to live in the present before, it seems good to me, although I am not always able to follow it, I usually worry about a future that has not yet arrived, and that such a future for which I was anxious may never arrive, I also tend to have remorse and guilt for a past that I cannot change. In short, sometimes the past or the future become reasons for anxiety, so it's time to learn to give them their fair distance and live in the 'now' in a healthier way.
I hope everything gets better for you soon, I wish you the best.
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Glad to see you around! I'm one of the lucky ones as I tend to stay in the present but appreciate it's not as easy for everyone. Don't forget you had a forced change, you didn't choose it yourself. Big difference.
Gigi will get better with training, I'm sure. I know it's a vicious circle because if you're stressed, Gigi will become stressed and vice versa, but you will both get there.
It reminds me of a friend who had a golden retriever. When it was still youngish he interrupted a cricket match by running on the pitch. He just wouldn't come back. My friend had 2 young children at the time so she ended up pretending he wasn't her dog! He came back once she walked away.
Good to see you back. ❤️
Darn, this story made me smile, and trust me I am still smiling while writing this comment. I thought I am the only one who has complaints about my dog but I guess I am not alone. I also thought about adopting a second dog, sounds crazy because I don't have proper space for a second dog obviously. But in the future definitely, I am gonna have another dog. Your friend is a savage, she did the best things considering that moment... Hahahaha...
Well, the trainer also said that Gigi is a good dog, she is just stressed and over-friendly... Besides I don't live in a good place where Gigi can be free and I feel comfortable walking with my dog. I live in a small and crowded area so I think it's also stressful for Gigi as well...
I hope things will eventually become better...
Labradors are lovely dogs but they can also be buffoons, but in the nicest possible way. Hopefully, when you are more settled Gigi might like a friend.
Hello, @priyanarc
Life is full of tragedy. But we can't runway. We just need to be now and please don't think about the future.
I'm surè you and your dog will be fine. Just be silence, work for yourself. Be away from people is great for your mental health. I just can be pray for you hope can through All of this.
Hai, @priyanarc
Hidup adalah penuh tragedi. Tapi kita tidak bisa berlari dari itu. Kita hanya butuh menjalani kenyataan masa sekarang dan tolong jangan pikirkan masa sekarang.
Aku yakin kamu dan anjingmu akan baik-baik saja. Cukup diam dan bekerja untuk dirimu sendiri. Menjauh dari orang orang adalah bagus untuk kesehatan mentalmu. Aku berdoa kamu bisa melalui semua ini.
Greetings
Thank you so much for such thoughtful feedback. Yes, I am not very picky when it comes to talking to strangers or individuals, I need to stay calm and I have to avoid extra stress. Some people consider mental health situations as a taboo, I mean people think if you have mental health issues, you are crazy... Life is unpredictable every day but I know how to deal with every day...
Just gathering the desire to write here means that you continue to move forward in the process. It's very, very long, I know. But one day it is left behind and since then you see life in a different way.
I liked reading that you concentrate on the present moment, in fact it is the only thing we can do. The past no longer exists and the future no one assures us that we will get to it.
Every day that you maintain hope is one day less to reach mental calm. You'll get it, you're getting it now.
Hugs full of strength and affection. ♥️🤗
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Before entering into this whole new process, I never thought that this process gonna take really a long time. It's not like having a fever or flu that you take medicine and you are fine within 4-5 days. The accident that happened in the past, I cannot change anything but I wish I could. I am learning to live my life once again in a strong way and I am proud of myself. I only desire to move forward, I don't wanna live in a dark place forever...
Thank you for staying beside me on this wholesome journey...
!LUV this!! And I am proud of you, too. Learning to live is a lifetime task. Today you are stronger than yesterday, but less than tomorrow. 😘
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Much love and energy sis <3
Thanks bro... I hope you are doing well...
Not really - our 17yo cat got a late stage cancer and we will have to say good bye in the upcoming days :(
@priyanarc love and light.
I understand how difficult things might be for you considering all you've been through. I hope you are able to move past these darkenes--I believe you can. Life has given you a second chance and I believe you will make the most of it. Cheers!
I also believe that in time, I will be able to recover...The treatment process is slow and it might take a lot of time to be back on track. The whole process is kinda depressing though...
I understand. Just trust your psychologist and continue to push forward. It can only get better from this point. ♥️
Hello there, 👋
It's been a while, yes and I had been wondering how you are doing. Happy to read your post again.
Dogs are clever, they know how to push us around if we let them, I mean we need to be firm and tough to them if need be... like growling (raise our voice) at them if needed. And if we need to tell them off, do not look at them in the eye because they enjoy attention. I hope her training will work so you both can enjoy each others company. I believe that having a pet is one way to keep us away from depression. A friend's daughter with depression is a lot better with cats around. 😊
Dogs are sensitive to our moods as well. They know when we are upset or stressed and they seem to mirror our moods.
I wish you and Gigi the best. Enjoy summer together and looking forward to read your next article (post).
Have a nice week ahead. 💕