Monomad: Motivation, burning in the sun

I can't say I'm all that motivated with Hive these past few weeks. I feel like it's more a chore that I'm keeping up with out of routine rather than something I enjoy. It feels like it's a greater challenge to pull myself together to write something, but I also have the problem of enjoying writing something each day and throwing out my thoughts. It's an odd dilemma that I've found myself in as I'm not quite sure what to do about it all. It has been hard to find the motivation to write still, hard to form words and sentences that seem like they mean something. It doesn't feel like the usual burnout, but perhaps a sign that I need to start focusing attention elsewhere a bit more in the long-run. The idea that maybe I'm starting to grow out of the Hive grind. I think over the years I've seen it a lot and I've always understood it, the people that come and go, slowly reducing their activity until they're just gone for good. Hive at the moment is something I enjoy given the creativity it pushes from me, but I do have other venues for that now, and a lot more motivation to pursue it. At the same time, I can't deny that the few pennies I tend to make from my posts actually is useful: my apartment's bills for the month came to about $20. My phone bill is about $16 a month. While Hive barely covers a lot of these things, it is quite nice to be able to cover it with some side income while I try something new and build it to get up in a new location.

The more I think about it, the more I need something more independent as I travel around, photography somewhat a side thing in its own, while the drone videography at the moment is at the forefront of my creative efforts. To the point where I roam around under that horrible sun for most of the day, sweating to no end and really hating the heat. But I feel it's all worth it. The small bus fee to and from a new place to shoot it, roaming around in search of subjects to capture, sometimes arriving back home with next to nothing. Eventful and uneventful days require something a bit more passive, the realisation that I can't keep coming home with nothing and have to work harder in such events. I don't feel close to burning out (unless physically from the sun) in that regard, but certainly motivated to push harder and build faster.

Yesterday was a day I considered a failure: walking all day and returning home with nothing after wasting money on the bus to an area I couldn't even capture properly. Today was different: I had two new locations in mind, both Soviet era structures I intended to capture. The first an old abandoned outdoor swimming pool and park. It sits by a busy highway in Tbilisi now, totally left to rot because Governments are shit and hate giving people things to do. This architectural wonder is mostly reclaimed by nature and the few roughed-up mechanic shops that litter the side of the road. Tyres all over the place, some cars covered in a blue tarpaulin. I didn't get to shoot much in this area, being next to a busy highway, the fear of stray dogs all over, and the odd glances from the people at the mechanic shop looking my way constantly. One man walked down the alley where I hid with the drone, I assume to be an outstanding citizen and casually public piss, to which he saw me and turned around. Though the drone froze up in this moment, I have been dealing with the gimbal somehow getting stuck easily for a while. Having to physically fight with it under a fear of actually breaking it to get it to move freely again. By that point, I had already spent about twenty minutes standing there with that unwanted attention and fear, all while I could feel the heat on my skin, the sweat building. That nasty discomfort knowing I had to walk back.

My next location was the former Institute of Geophysics. I had seen images of this online, interiors mostly untouched. Old Soviet era televisions and radios that accumulated dust within. I loved the idea of getting inside and having a roam around. Though I had to walk from the pool to that location, which took about 30 - 40 minutes. Upon finding it, I discovered it was covered in cameras, and now fenced off. The awareness that I could hop the fence hit, especially when I saw in the dirty windows the old radios sitting there just waiting for me to walk around and take a look at. But the cameras were the main thing that said "NO FUN ALLOWED." It was a disappointment to see given how so many of these locations could still be used, there's genuine interest in them if you need to wall them off. Georgia pretends to hate Russia and its Soviet past, but hey, people would be willing to spend money to visit these locations as museums with the original items still there. Again, fuck Governments and politicians. Erasing history and promoting their own narratives when they see fit, letting things rot under the guise of some other nonsense. I walked away from the space after snapping a few phone shots from the boring side of the fence. The proceeded to head back the way I came.

I wasn't happy with how little I had captured. I wanted more. And so I continued to walk on to a nearby park where I knew I could find something to capture. Walking all that way, I finally made it to the park and yet again saw a rat there. Pretty much the only things I see in that park at this point. Aside from more cameras keeping an eye on everyone. Again, can't say it's much different to that level of spying from the USSR that they claim to despise! Well, I setup shop underneath an old apartment building within its garages and threw the drone up to capture a shot of the roadside, as well as some interesting new building with some fun architecture that I noticed previously. I can't find any information on what it is/will be, but it looks a lot like a cool moon-base. It's a great thing to see in the sea of glass architecture that makes all buildings almost look identical at this point. I do hope I can figure out what its purpose will be soon though, it's certainly a work of art. A fun end to the day of clip attempts. To which I walked back all drenched in sweat, grabbed the bus home and finally sat down feeling somewhat content.