Cycling to catch the sunset by the river and some reflections.

This year our winter weather has been very cold and lasted much longer than usual. Last year the whether was cold for less than seven days. This year, winter seemed to last extraordinarily long (over a month), until early February. Some forest trees like Burmese Rosewood (or Pradauk in Thai) in the garden turned brown and gave us a lot of work. We had made several piles of dry leaves for making organic soil for planting in the future. After a few hours in the garden, I gladly take my bicycle for a spin in the evening to catch the sunset by the river.

The dirt road was always quiet and dusty in dry season. Luckily, the neighbours left their undeveloped land turned into wooded areas and bamboo groves. So, there were always migrating birds making their nests around the area in winter months. The other neighbours had repaired their houses after last year’s flood and made a short-cut exit to the riverfront. So, they all had an escape road if the dirt road was cut off by flood one day. This had forced me to improvised an extra exit to higher ground on the riverfront too. It wouldn’t be appropriate to use my neighbours’ newly built exits. This had weighted heavily on my savings. But I hoped I could find a way to make some income in the future.

Cycling in the countryside helped to calm my mind made me developed stronger legs and back. I have become addicted to cycling to the riverfront to observe sunsets and be with Mother Nature’s healing vibes. The colours of the sky would always be different on each evening, making each sunset a unique experience. Nature’s full of unexpected wonders and surprises when one least expected them. The river never stayed the same as the level of water kept on moving all the time. So the thoughts in my mind always flow nonstop in all directions!

It’s good to be quiet by the river and just let the memories and unfinished conflicts popped up for reflections. This was a good way to purge the brain of forgotten overload of painful or unpleasant experiences from the past. Sometimes I wanted to correct what wrongs I had done but it was too late as the people involved couldn’t be located anymore. In some cases, I saw no use of doing anything as it would be better to leave them in peace.

But in cases involving families’s members such as elderly relatives, I felt the need to connect with them again to see if they still had any grudge against me. I had to reflect on my bold move several days as I had to be prepared to accept any consequences. But with positive thoughts and good intention, I did manage to connect with elderly relatives and started a new friendly relationship. They have become much older and weaker, so I was glad to reconnect with them again. They were very gracious and gifted me with some Chinese tea, we shared the same passion for Chinese tea.

I had often asked the river what I should do about my siblings who were strangers to me. They have become very materialistic and so very money minded that they stole my inheritance from me. So, I had to ask my lawyer-friend to help me to protect my legal inheritance. That was a big blow to them and caused a big rift between them and me. This conflict could never be resolved as they had decided to strike me off as an outsider. I did suffer badly for quite a while as I could never imagine that they could forge my father’s will and steal all my inheritance.

In the end, I didn’t want them to suffer physically so we settled out of court. For the sake of my mother, I took a little among sufficient for me to start a new life. My lawyers were furious that I got very little from what my father had designated for me in his will. They felt that I had been living overseas for years and didn’t contribute anything to the family so I shouldn’t get anything. My mother should have stopped them from this ‘criminal’ and immoral action. But my old mother was under my siblings’ influence. I had to compromise for the sake of my elderly mother. But I was very hurt by this act of sibling treason.

They couldn’t understand why my father decided to give everything to me. I was quite shocked myself as he never showed me any affection or favour in the past. I thought in his later years, he began to understand me and my actions. I had helped him when he needed helpful advice in his business problems without asking for any reward. I also helped him in a big family feud and legal wrangling without having to go to court and got everyone to compromise on the matter successfully. Again, I never asked for anything in return as a reward. I remained quiet and went on with my ‘poorly’ paid job. My siblings looked down upon me for working as a ‘poor’ civil servant. They couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t continue to take well paid job with foreign companies.

I tossed and turned many times whether I should try to reconcile with my siblings. But I discovered that they didn’t change their mentality all these years. I was glad that they became quite rich and successful with our father’s companies (which were supposed to become mine in the past). I was happy to let go of all the business inheritances. I was afraid I would be trapped and changed by becoming very rich as a business owner.

Simple lifestyle with gentle cats has made me very happy and peaceful, and I was grateful for what destiny had given me. I have been on my spiritual quest for a meaningful life and lofty spiritual achievements. My siblings could never forgive me for disappointing them and refusing to become one of them sharing all the aspirations and drives for worldly success. I did try to reconcile once or twice but I was sadly disappointed as they had become very hardened without any spiritual aspects. Our priorities were totally different and we have become like different alien races from peculiar worlds.

It was very disappointing and alarming experience for me to face very strange vibes full of greed and hatred. I felt sorry for them and guilty for not being around during their adolescence. They had no spiritual experiences or guidance during their growing up years. They didn’t manage to find any spiritual guidance nor experience to lighten their paths. I had to accept that it’s all very karmic and it’s too powerful for me to change them. In retrospection, I often wondered why my father confided in me whenever he had problems with his business and I had to be a conduit for solving his problems though I had no business training. Finally he knew that I would be the right person to look after his wealth as he knew I would looked after his legacy and shared with all the siblings. In a way I was glad that I didn’t have the responsibility of dividing all the shares among them. My headache would send me into hospital!

My mother told me once that my horoscope was unique and stronger than everyone in family so she asked me to help with the difficult problem which she had created for the little sister. I was quite shocked that grownups could create such a messy situation just for good connection, higher social status and political career. That was a very risky undertaking with complicated plans and escape route. The damages and consequences were heavy and serious and I had become the baddy while saving grownups‘ faces and reputations. That’s probably my fateful way of paying back my gratitude. I became the fixer of difficulties for grownups without any demand for rewards or gratitude. I had to do my duty and return the favour for raising me in the family.

But the legal wrangling had catapulted me into a different orbit and I had to start my own journey without further disruption from inconsiderate and selfish people. I wished things could have been totally different and that we could have fair and just outcome. But I knew that was impossible. Karmic consequences and accumulated karma were too strong for me to influence the outcome. Several years ago, an elderly astrologer who became my friend did warn me one day about my siblings. He was surprised that my horoscope indicated that my siblings were my worst enemies who would only bring me troubles. He couldn’t understand why I had such a bad aspect and it took him courage to tell me. He was afraid that I would be very angry with him. I dismissed his warning and told him that astrology couldn’t always be very accurate. So far, almost all the predictions have become reality.

So, I have been waiting to see how other predictions would turn out in the future. I was lucky to have befriended a few good astrologers and psychics in my life. I still didn’t believe everything friendly astrologers told me. But when I reread those old pages, I was amazed how crazy these predictions have turned out in reality. I completely forgot that these things had been typed for me years ago. However, I have to try my best to live in the present with mindfulness so that I wouldn’t go astray. Somehow I had lost my way and my faith for a while as difficulties seemed to piled up unabated. The tests sent to me had been very tough and I almost gave up. With divine grace, I found the energy to carry on the journey to fulfill my spiritual goals. Orange cats and temple cats would keep me grounded in reality and give me the good vibes for marching on my journey.

Wishing you peace, good health and prosperity.

Stay strong and cheerful.