Writing and mental health

Hi, guys!

Lately I have been terribly depressed and I can hardly do anything. I just try to live from one day to the next, survive one day, then survive another. It's some kind of endless nightmare in which I am stuck and from which I see no way out. I don't know what to do. Today I am trying to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, maybe he will advise something, although I am already taking antidepressants and I don't know what else to add to this. Maybe he will come up with something else. I really want to get better, because I really need to get back to active work, and because of my depression I can't do this. I do everything terribly slowly, my life passes as if in slow motion.

I need to send the text to the publisher, I plan to do it today. I still haven't made any global final edits, I hope to find the strength to do this later, but I hope that even without them my text will be appreciated and praised, and the publisher will accept it with the condition that I will finish it. I hope that in the remaining six months I will have the strength to do this, although considering how strong my depressive episodes have been lately, it seems to me that it will be a miracle if this does happen. But I am not losing hope.

I have active training tonight and I hope that I will be able to endure it normally, because it will be hard for me to train in this mood. I need to have at least some fighting spirit to train for three hours, but I hope that I can handle it. In the end, I can just try to turn off my emotions and do it like a robot. I will probably do that, maybe it will work.

And if I can’t write five pages a day now, I will probably try to write at least one at a time, so that the text does not stand still at all. Maybe this will not give me much progress, but at least it will be a little, I will not hang around completely in one place. Let there be at least something, instead of nothing at all.

The first volume needs to be edited, and I understand that too, but I'm not ready for it yet. I'll wait until my brain is ready, and then I'll probably definitely do it.

Have a great day, everyone!