Novel goes on

Hi, guys!

I continue to actively work on editing the novel, and now there is a week left before submitting it to the curator. I can no longer be nervous, and I am slowly entering a state where I no longer care at all whether I will succeed or not. Maybe it is good, maybe it is better than endlessly worrying whether something will work out or not.

Maybe if I no longer think about whether I will succeed or not and I do not care, it will only be better. Because if there is a strong hope and it does not come true, it will be very painful to be rejected. And when you no longer care, then what difference does it make whether they take you or not. Yes, I put my whole soul into this text, but now I do not even know if I want the publisher to take me on. I worked so hard on my novel that I completely burned out several times in the process. And now I myself do not know what I want.

I am sad because now I have become afraid to wake up in the morning. That I just want this month to be over, just as it began, so that I just know the result and that's it, for it all to be over. This is not a normal state, this is a state of despair. That's why I'm sad. It was supposed to be a very pleasant process of writing my book, and in the end it turned into a nightmare. It shouldn't have happened.

But nevertheless, now I'm determined to fight to the end, because one way or another this has been my goal for a very long time, and I want to know how it will all end, what will come of it. I tried very hard, and still in my heart I want everything to work out.

Have a great day everyone!