Photographic Ruin and Insecurity - On Starting from Scratch and planning for the future
What feels like was an eternity ago, I asked the question "how do I get more clients to stand in front of my camera? This was a little more than a month ago, after having done a whole bunch of second shooting that I thought it might be time to advertise, in order to take my photographic practice to a level where it was more sustainable and a reliable second income stream.
A few weeks after publishing that post, on the 22nd of April, I stood in a reception venue that I've stood in three times before; and as the bridal party entered, one by one, my mind was dominated by one thought.
"You should sell your camera gear."
I dismissed the thought in the moment and never asked myself the most important question to reply to such a question, Why?
Consider this the swing of my mind's pendulum as I explore the answer to try and figure out why. I've written a somewhat autobiographical tale about how I came to end up with my Masters Degree in Visual Art and Design; and have posted an enormous chunk of my work here over the course of the years.
I get so much joy from photographing people in places. I enjoy shaping the light around their faces. Everyone has an interesting face. Everyone has complex, layered features and never "really" sees what they look like to others. "Looking in a mirror doesn't count". I love showing people what they appear to be to others, not just the reflection that they catch in the bathroom mirror, or the shiny, reflective surface of a window or other surface.
So with this in mind, I ask myself "Why did I want to sell my camera gear?"
The type of wedding photography that I was doing was transactional, documentary. It wasn't as creative as I wished it to be. It wasn't theatrical, even though these events were classy, choreographed, timed entertainment for the guests on offer.
While it wasn't theatrical, it was still theatre.
The two images below are the "most favourite" images I've ever captured, so I need to reflect upon them to ask myself where the contrast between "I want to sell my gear" and "I want to create cool shit" intersects in the Venn diagram of my mind's momentary decision making.
Shot on a Nikon D750, lit with a AD200 w/ beauty dish, at 105mmYes, I won an award for this one.
Shot in a makeshift studio in my lounge room, with my kitchen knife.
I see these two images as a "Step above" traditional "wedding" photography, which is often just documenting the outcomes of the pre-ordained actions of a group of individuals. There is only opportunity for creativity when doing "hero" shots, and setting up lighting for some portraits in locations that aren't always ideal.
I much prefer to create a scene, (or, in the case of the image of Holly, suspend the subject in darkness) in order to create tension and an absolute emphasis on only the human that is depicted.
It isn't the first time I've done work like that. I'll often also use heavy vignetting to bring the viewer's eye to the centre of frame, and so some fancy tricks of the light in post production to guide the viewer's eye around the frame.
Here's an example of that:
Again, these images were captured in a less than ideal setting, but they had one thing on my side: time. There was also creative freedom, and no preordained plan. No final output to be garnished. Just experimentation, and trust from the person being captured that I'd produce images that they'd be happy with.
There, and here, I am an artist.
Standing in a wedding venue surrounded by people shielding their vulnerabilities behind the most immaculate suits, dresses, and alcohol; I am a photographer.
I prefer to engage one on one; and enjoy the conceptualisation stage enormously. To me, conceptualising an idea is much more important than making something up on the fly.
Sure, I'll be spontaneous, and create some moments working with what I've got available around me.
But, I think that I need to draw myself a line in the muddy Earth within my mind. Do I want to make money, or do I want creative freedom?
In an ideal world, I want both. A month ago, I thought "yes, definitely, I want to make money", but right now, I'm firmly in the camp of "I want complete creative freedom", and to create artistic collaborations with people.
Some of the most rewarding work I've done has been the work where there's barely been any financial reward, as the creative energy and unspoken, hard to describe mutual effort involved has meant total and complete immersion in the moment to produce the best possible image that I am capable of; without leading to formulaic "stand here, light here, look here, pose there" production line that (while) producing great results, doesn't feel like I'm making "art".
This all comes back down to a recent change in my domain name, some two or so years ago. I deliberately chose just my last name (it's pretty unique) and the top level domain ".art".
You can go look at my website if you want, and I'd encourage feedback. That feedback will be ignored, as I want to create something far more raw, simple (faster to load) and something that presents the viewer with a smaller folio of images, and one that focuses only on the work that I want to produce, and the work that I would be proud to stand beside with my name in large, obvious typeface next to it.
This means a few things to me on a guttural level:
The acknowledgement that my photographic practice won't make any more money than I've currently made in my day job.
That I'd love for people to have the chance to have my work on their wall, but it would only be certain, hand selected pieces.
I don't want to overcomplicate the process of creation.
That is okay to pick my clientele to ensure that their visions align with my creative hunger.
So what does that look like? (Excuse me while I start to plan out a new website and business plan in front of you all, and publicly)
Underlying philosophy:
- Not selling my cameras
- Not selling my lenses
- Using my current gear until it breaks, hopefully not in the middle of a photo session
- Not caring about the weather
So instead of talking myself into circles, what does that website look like?
- A folio of my 12 most impactful, favourite images
- A feed of recent work with up to 5 images from each shoot
- An option for people to purchase prints via a print fulfilment service
- How to get in front of my camera and what the expectations / outcomes are
- Information about my artistic passions and who I am
So that boils down to
- Gallery - The best of the best
- Recent Work - My favourite image from recent projects
- Shop (handled elsewhere than the core site)
- Get in touch to shoot (a simple form / appointment booking system)
- About me
Compared to my current site, that means the lack of a need of client galleries with shop functionality (solved by sharing images via cloud storage, which I already use); and furthermore; a simpler, more impactful "mission".
Create beautiful images. Someone who is better at marketing than me can write me a slogan; but I want to produce images that range from a fairy-tale like vista, to a gritty, confronting portrait of a person's struggle.
I want my work to tell a story, and for images to stay stuck in people's minds.
I hope that you will all join me on this journey.
Super gorgeous shots!
Cheers. :)
Congrats bro amazing shots, keep it up
Thank you
You have got nice shots!
Keep it up!!!
They can get better.
Pictures on a scale of 10 is how most people basically view the world, The love and passion you put into this really brings it out alive, for a moment there i thought you were kidding when you wanted to sell your camera G, This kind of passion makes one not to give a shit about the financial reward involve but the happiness in return
It was a very serious thought and consideration that I mulled over.
I'm still working towards a rebrand, and might eventually sell cameras, but I'll have to wait and see what happens beyond the next 6 months to a year.
If you've got an idea its better to start now than later, selling cameras is a good idea, and a rebrand hmm can you imagine what it'll be like in the next 6 months if you start now instead of starting then?? Then you've already wet your toe and adapting to the change than just starting it.... Anyhuuu Your choice
I don't think I will sell, because ultimately, I'd probably end up rebuying them. It isn't like I need the money; its more "if I don't have these items, then I won't have these thoughts, and won't have this dilemma" - hence the part about using all my gear until it breaks.
Oh i see, but dont you think selling gets you more expose to people who might have contacts interested in your work? Since you dont need the money you can be selling without profit or little profit as a way of helping those who finds it difficult to get camera or parts
No, I meant selling my cameras, not selling my work.
No one wants to buy my work :D
Ohhhh and why is that? Your work are amazing
I already sold a bunch of the stuff that I don't use on a regular basis. It funded some upgrades to the things that I use the most. I got some paid work out of one of those sales to a fellow photographer; but I realise more and more it isn't about just making money, it is about producing art that makes me happy.
Finding something you love doing is really passive, for me i love writing, and am happy when ever i do it. Keep up the good job your happiness is far more important than anything else
Do you also do traditional type portraits?
Will you blend both traditional and scene creating?
Is it confronting for people to "step into" the alternate role?
Define traditional :D
I used to do all sorts of Photoshop composites back in the day, these days I find that stuff pretty tacky and unconvincing when you look at it on a "properties of light" level.
Back when the curtains matched the drapes
I would be between hatred and "dedication" for portraits like this. It could certainly have better lighting, but it would be sort of great, ironically.
I made myself a tank top from some floral material purchased from spotlight. It's great, and I'll unveil it one day.
Compromises are very difficult. It seems to me that in art they are almost impossible, because they dilute the essence, the saturation of the idea into something easy to perceive.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't take the feelings of the person portrayed into account, on the contrary, the person must feel at ease with you in order to bring out what is most interesting in their personality. However, when you reach the point of "I am the one who pays and demands", everything goes to hell.
People have a huge trust problem, even with professionals. And it seems to me that this is the root of the problem. If the customer tries to control the situation, nothing ever comes out of such cooperation:/
You are doing amazing work, so I hope you will get customers that understand they are in good hands, and let to you do your job:)
I really cherish those customers, but they're rare.
I am thinking that I am going to do some more "Time for Print" work as a way of seeing if I can find some more like minded creators / models / make up people / etc; and just create stuff for the love of creating stuff.
Just as friends might go have a picnic or whatever together, have a creative "retreat" once a month where it is just bombastic ideas and creativity, and the output doesn't really matter; just that equal levels of creative passion and output are poured into it.
I find those things very fascinating and interesting.
Perhaps I might be good at running some workshops? I don't know. I just want to create without consequence. Create without "product". Make it truly be about the journey and experimentation as opposed to "this will be the result."
I am definitely in favour of process rather than result. I like story behind it, context. Without it I have to create the story by myself and that can be cool, but again - not real thing:)
I thing the workshop is and excellent idea. I can see yourself working with people, you seem to be extremely patient, and you have way with words.
And beard, beard is awesome, project mystery and wisdom. That will work!
Workshop en plain air.
Lighting gear, cameras, humans, a white board with red string connecting all my favourite artists together, along with other concepts.
Sounds like an ideal day out in the woods
I am totally digging it, honestly.
Just share golden hour with other maniacs, wouldn't be nice?
Any hour is golden hour when you have a strobe and a gold reflector
Have you created your own presets to retouch these portraits?
No. I edit each image individually. Presets are trash and don't bring out the best of each individual image's quality. Sure they encourage consistency, but they're not giving each image a "human touch".
Ok
I had to take the time to go through your post in detail, plus look at your website, go through it, and take a peek at your CCC collection, then marking for further delving down into. Yeah, I'm like that, you've now been warned (minus dill monster).
I admire the way you've processed that sly thought of selling your gear. Quite organized, methodical and clear in decision making and business plan. Selling - creativity is a sort of slider scale depending on what one wants, slide in the direction that gets one there. Either way is a sacrifice. My favourite way to roll with all of it was to dance on a knife edge, but that's another story and this isn't about me.
I'll wait to see what this looks like from your creative vision.
I appreciate the time you took from your happiness and existence to immerse yourself for some brief moments in the pools of my misery. Now that you're marinated in my mindset, I think I might slip on the edge of the knife you describe; and hope that I land to creative side.
Sadly, I've agreed to 2nd shoot another wedding next weekend, and I know that I'm going to regret my decision after the fact, but hey, its the promise of more money.
Would you be offended if I laughed at the idea of happiness and my existence being combined?
I took the time because I cannot get to know anyone without making the time to do so. If I don't know someone at least a little, conversation stays on a superficial level of fluff that means nothing to one who values quality.
I like the image those words just inspired in my mind. The knife edge is a metaphor I use that has several simultaneous meanings. In regard to yourself, you'll land where you choose to land in each moment. It's all about what you consent to.
How did that work out? Also, I have to ask you, if you know you're going to regret it after the fact, why do it? If it's purely about the carrot promise of money that you need and/or want, I get that. Lots of people choose that direction. The key element is being okay with yourself choosing that direction, otherwise there is this ongoing internal struggle, unless you like that state of being. It's all individual. It's all up to you.
Oh it took place, that other wedding. It didn't end up being 2nd shooter, but I was the primary. It was tedious and "delicate" until the end, when there was about 500 different combinations of people with the bride and groom. I started taking group portraits at 9pm and the venue kicked everyone out at mid night :P
That was ~500 images and three hours without a break. Lucky the cameras were tripod mounted for this section and the static lights were easy enough to set up.
These two are often not compatible with one another. I understand what you're getting at here. :) You've got to be somewhat miserable to be able to create anything at all.
Is an horrendously long word. I loathe small talk. I want to dive straight into deep, philosophical debates with people that is just (to quote Alanis Moriesette) - intellectual intercourse. That doesn't come often, but I'd argue its just as satisfying as the carnal version.
I've been all over the place the last few days. I've still got another 6 or so days off work, so I've been trying to stay away from a keyboard as much as I can.
All that packed into three hours. That takes patience and organization; respect. I'd literally rip out my eyeballs doing that kind of thing.
😂, you see it.
I'll have to observe myself more closely in the moment to see the degree of miserableness that is present. It's hard to see that in any of my creative processes, with the notable exception of some content I've written for posts.
is also a lengthy word 😂, not that I'm meaning to be obstreperous in noting that.
Deep diving straight into a discourse is satisfyingly delicious. I think of small talk as surfing, snorkling is a bit deeper, and deep diving as levels down to the ocean floor.
Away from the keyboard for a break is excellent regular practice. Off work is precious time.
Fun fact: I can't swim. I go straight to drowning. Easy to get overwhelmed. :)
That's hilarious! I'm not convinced about "easy to get overwhelmed"...not getting that impression at all.
Mainly with people. Mostly with tasks. With conversation and creative endeavours, there's no boundary to the energy I can expend.
Okay, that now makes more sense and matches.
How does it make thin twigs of engineered timber and sulphur / magnesium?
Through alchemical magic. I'm learning from observing @strega.azure.