Saying something: Part ten
I had an idea to do a little series of posts about things I've learned and applied to my personal and professional life. I'll keep these posts quite short but hope someone reads something they can fit into their own life of they can use to good effect.
Negotiation - Mirroring and emotion labelling
Like it or not, we all negotiate in some way and consistently throughout our lives. Sure we do it differently, seek different results for various reasons, but essentially it's all the same thing to a lesser or greater degree. I've done a lot of negotiation in my life, personal and professional, and have been trained in it which has helped me master the skill be quite adept at it although I don't always do it exactly right.
The skill of negotiation isn't a mystery, just a set of skills a person (any person) can learn and apply and should a person take the time to understand the concepts it can really open up opportunities in life, personal or professional, deepen and strengthen relationships and generally bring greater value.
Mirroring:
This is one of the simplest things one can do but it's powerful. Basically, one repeats the last few words the other has said...like this:
Them: This deadline puts me under too much pressure.
You: Too much pressure?
Them: Yes, I have to___then___and___. My schedule is too full currently.
You: Too full currently?
The benefit is the other person feels that you're listening (they feel heard) and the questioning nature means they'll provide more information to go on with and use to advantage. It's important to repeat the words as a question with an upward lilt to the voice at the end.
Emotion labelling:
I love this one...essentially one names the other person's feelings which makes them feel understood, can lessen their stress level and builds trust - if they trust you they'll be more open to the negotiation, more pliable and way more likely to open up and share further information with you.
You: You seem annoyed with the process and outcome. There's frustration towards your team and you're concerned the timing applied too much pressure inhibiting your performance and the result.
I've got a few more to share down the track but wonder what your thoughts are on these ones.
Have you used them or do you recall these techniques being used on you? If so and you want to comment please go ahead in the comments below.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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I have read entire books on negotiation.
I hated them all. :P They were long, drawn out; and didn't cover the basic point. Negotiation is just communication. It must be done clearly, with an understanding of the other person's position.
Then there's sort term and long term negotiation.
If I'm negotiating with some shithead on facebook marketplace, I'm likely to not deal with them again, so that's why people lowball so often. But, if I'm negotiating with someone on a business plan that offers us both good prospects, that's... long term negotiation and is much more important.
All the years of conflict resolution I did at my old job involved all sorts of this type of negotiation, and frankly, the best negotiators were the best communicators.
The worst ones were always HR, particularly when it came to contracts and working conditions ;)
Yep, exactly.
Most people are poor communicators though, despite thinking they're good ones, and so negotiations often break down or do not occur in productive ways. There's so many different forms of negotiation and I think people
s lives would be much better if they learned some of the basics.
"I want this outcome."
"What outcome would you like?"
Good communication is about honesty and being direct.
Like you, being the custodian of HIVE's swear jar for the first week of June. :P (In your posts, that is)
Yep, a shame most people choose not to learn how to communicate effectively.
I'll drop a few thousand bucks in the swear jar, that should make up for the last
yearfew days.I recall you using the mirroring technique on one of my comments :)
These two techniques I should practice using at work now that my position requires more interactions with various stakeholders...
Mirroring is an excellent method of gaining trust and I do it all the time in my real life including with body language although that needs to be done deftly.
I have two more posts coming up with two more techniques on each; if you feel these two are handy for you I reckon the other four will be too.
Thanks for commenting.
Ahhh mind tricks! I see they are all to please the other person and make it less "distant" from you...
Im absolutely bad at negotiating, I rarely do tough, I offer compromises most of the times and get around that but I'm fairly sure no one did that techniques on me
Most people don't have great negotiation skills which make it even easier for those of us who do. I'm fortunate to have some skills and be pretty good at it which has helped me professionally and personally. They can be learned, a person just needs to want to learn them.
i think the main issue is the chance of practise, its quite difficult with that
Yeah, skills not kept sharp will diminish.
I lean towards compromise a lot, too. I'm very good at finding the ideal compromise beforehand, which then shortens negotiations a lot.
I'm often the only person in my team that can negotiate and arrange things in an amicable way.
There are skills that I have learned from my days in retail sales.
But I like the mirroring and identifying the emotions. I haven't used mirroring so directly. Usually, where appropriate I take the time to communicate and confirm a summary of instructions or concerns or whatever.
And on identifying an emotion, I have not used it quite so directly. But I have learned to identify the goals and emotions of highly efficiently people who everyone thinks are angry assholes.
And next thing they know, I am good friends with that person. Lol
Because I attempted to understand their frustration and the cause for their behavior.
With people being so bad at negotiation, those who have even basic understanding often do far better when negotiation takes place. I think it's lazy of people not to learn, especially considering negotiation is simply communication.
Indeed.
Some people don't seem to want to learn.
You bring us some interesting techniques to apply. I have never used the first one, repeating words with that rising tone. We negotiate all the time in these circumstances, so I suppose that practising this technique will come naturally.
I have used the second one about emotions, but not intentionally, rather spontaneously, and it brings people closer, making them feel more open to talking and conversing.
Intentionally using negotiation skills is always going to beat doing it by chance and someone using the chance method will always lose out to someone with true skills.
Understood, I will put both techniques into practice in my daily life. I think they can be very useful to me.
Yep, and I've got some more coming next week.
I think it will be good for many of us!
It seems to me that life is a negotiation in itself and that most of the time we are in that process in which whoever has the best tools will have the best results. For example, a person with good communication skills, observation skills, patience, mastery of the area in which he/she wants to negotiate, among others, will have better results.
Of the techniques I have used more the second one and I recognize that it has given me good results because I have been empathetic and I have put myself in the other person's place and, through their emotions I have been able to achieve good results. Even in the present it gives me positive results.
I have used the mirror and it has been used with me. The effect was positive and so were the results. I remember that on one occasion my mother was with me and was delighted to see how I closed a deal using this technique, which at the time I didn't even know it was called the mirror technique.
Ah, something I reiterate because it is in your publication: These techniques can be applied in any situation in life. At least, from my personal experience. Happy Wednesday. Cheers and greetings.
It seems like you have a reasonable understanding and use some of the techniques well although being empathetic isn't exactly the point I was trying to make, it's all about showing the target that you see their emotions...it's about disarming them and making them more pliable...not about being empathetic. It's about leading them the way you want them to go.
hey dear @galenkp I’ve honestly never thought of negotiation in this way before. Mirroring especially n it sounds so basic, but now that I think about it, I’ve seen it work without realizing it was a technique. I usually just try to keep things polite and clear, but I guess there’s more to it. Definitely going to try these next time something like that comes up. im Curious to see what other ones you’ll share.
No worries, all the best when you try it for yourself.
hey dear @galenkp I’ve honestly never thought of negotiation in this way before. Mirroring especially n it sounds so basic, but now that I think about it, I’ve seen it work without realizing it was a technique. I usually just try to keep things polite and clear, but I guess there’s more to it. Definitely going to try these next time something like that comes up. im Curious to see what other ones you’ll share.
Indeed, in fact, the majority of people think they communicate well, yet many others don't. Negotiations may frequently fail or never take place as a result, though. Anyone may learn this comprehensive skill set of the negotiations, which includes what we call preparation, emotional intelligence, and active listening. Even the learning of the fundamentals may also have a significant positive impact on results by promoting more of what they call transparent communication and stronger bonds between people.
It seems you have a good understanding of communication in general and negotiation is all about effective communication. Thanks for commenting.
I'd like to think that I am pretty good at professional negotiation, but personal negotiation is another story. I hate buying cars and stuff like that because I typically just take most people at their word. It usually ends up to my detriment. At work I find if I can write something out I usually express myself better than trying to talk my way through it!
I think if you can do one you can do the other, professional or personal, as negotiation is a skill and the same either way. Maybe there's more emotion attached to negotiations one has in their personal lives though, they have more skin in the game& maybe. I'm not sure.
That is quite possible. I know when I am dealing with things like salary at work I am probably a bit more complacent than I should be.
Greetings @galenkp ,
Thank you for these helps in viewing negotiation skills.
Well said. All very interesting.
I shall practice 'mirroring' and see how it goes.
Kind Regards,
Bleujay
There's some really good techniques that can help people get more and better out of their negotiations/interactions. It's not just for spy interrogations/nogotiations or even the workplace, it's just better communication all round and can be applied to all aspects of life. I think it's always good to continually improve one's skills and better communication is a good place to start.
Thanks for your comment and good luck with mirroring.
Thank you @galenkp for sharing your thoughts about negotiation. Many can apply these ways in their personal or professional lives. Im excited for your next blog❤️❤️❤️
No worries, hopefully you find the next post as interesting. Thanks for commenting.
I don't think I've ever been exposed to those. No sophisticated negotiation in my line of work, just the usual half-truths, lies, pity-seeking.
I don't like to negotiate at all. When I trust a person, I just see if I can afford and go with it, even if I know that I might get it cheaper. Trustworthy people are so hard to find, so I rather pay a little extra for not negotiating. If I don't know them, I research as much as I can about what I need and pre-set my price. If they go whiny or greedy on me, I seek someone else to do the job.
Life is too short to negotiate 😅
We negotiate almost daily with employees, bosses, retail workers, banks, city council, students and teachers, partners, children, friends and family...it just happens in different ways I guess and doesn't always resemble a negotiation that a person has to win or lose. A discussion requiring compromise is a negotiation and negotiation is simply communication.
That's true, I still try to avoid it whenever I can. I think I'm not bad at it, I just don't like it. I prefer straight-forward deals that create win-win-situations. Just finished the negotiations on my CD, got 9.65%, up from the 8.5% that would've been the easy way - but I know how the little cooperativa-banks here work, so it wasn't much of a negotiation. I just stated what I wanted, dropped all the important key words (compound interest, CD renovation, client retention), and there it was. Last year was still 10%, but there's some pressure on cooperativas to drop the interest rates for loans. Guess they didn't negotiate well, and that's overall good for the economy. Most loans are around 15%-25% here.
hahaha galenkp mother fucker is pooping everywhere. check this photo (proof)
hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Excellent strategies, as a teenager I often worried about how to continue a conversation, it would have been very useful to know the technique of repeating the last words in the form of a question, now that I know it I will not miss it when I consider it is good to use it. Thank you! =)
Let me know how it works after you've tried it out a few times.
Hello galenkp!
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