Dead Man
Youth is dead
Dark days ahead
I'm not the gentleman I expected to be.
What was my childhood
But a blink
On the brink of eternity
The doors I crossed
The baths I took
Cleansed only in flesh
But never to maturity
I stared at wrinkled hands
Imagining the old man
I would some day grow to be.
Now I have arrived
In this day in time
An empty mime
Complex yet only shallow
The trees of my memory hollow
Branches crashed down
I never gained the crown
Of gray
Or the gnarled hands
My young mind would say
The ticking sands
Of time would bring me.
Where is that fellow?
The one who said hello
In the mirror long ago
Through squinted eyes
Blurring in shadow
An illusion of future me
Imagined but not reality
He never came
Replaced by the tame
Balding silent man
Saying his goodbyes
To what he truly thought he'd see.
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I hate being in this funk. I'm exhausted. I don't sleep enough. I don't rest at all, much less recreate. It's just day after day after day of the same patterns. I wish I could say I have a goal to work towards or even something to look forward to, but no. I am stuck.
Fear is probably the biggest anchor dragging me into the depths. I don't know how to own my free self. I am free but I don't know if I fully grasp that freedom. What does it mean to be free when others have claim to you? I fear dropping the ball, because I have dropped so many already. I am not what I wanted to become. I don't know if it's even possible to be that person, Time can't be rewound to erase the consequences of choices.
I can only seek to salvage the debris of my life from complete annihilation.
Camera: Samsung Maxima G80 Zoom XL
Film: Arista Edu 400
Developed in Caffenol as always
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beautiful photos accompanied by beautiful and melancholic words
Thanks!
Sometimes we lost the path and we lost in time. I like the way you describe the feelings and emotions. This poem is nostalgic and makes me think about meaning of life.
I'm glad you like it 😊
It is so easy to grow old without realising it.... I like the verse that says "the trees of my memory hollow", I feel that way too. The photos deserve a separate mention. They are excellent. It's very brave to use caffenol these days!
Thanks for the kind words. I'm older than I realize, yet I know so many people who tell me how young I really am. I feel like I have lived so much already!
I don't know how brave caffenol is, I'm just too cheap to buy the "real" stuff 😂. I haven't had any issues with it. The scanning is a different story entirely. Eight cats make lint free negatives impossible !
Those words ... painting the inevitable.
Well done 👏🏾
Oh man, I hope it's not inevitable.
That first photo. Eerie. So good. Eerie and awesome.
I know what you mean about being stuck. People say one should embrace every feeling and life period you have or get or wind up but I don't know. Being stuck or depressed or being in any situation where you wouldn't like to be always seems so... never ending and lonely. And a waste of time. There's only you yourself who can do something about it but if the status quo is so that it literally binds you hands then there's not even the self help thinggy to save you. You just wait. Embrace my ass I say. :D Well, not literally but what I'm saying is that if I don't want to embrace a shitty feeling but have no strength to carry on then that's a major problem. But nevertheless, people say that and perhaps they are right and I'm wrong.
"Sit with your feelings" is stupid imo. Feel your feelings is fine, you can't really help that. But sitting in them and letting them control you? Nope. Life is too short to wallow in negative feelings. Feel them, vent them (in a non-destructive way), and move on.
Well said!
Gooday Courageous Lion
From the book I Am by Jean Klein (pdf on request):
And, From the book The Presence Process by Michael Brown - which i highly recommend (pdf in request).
Sat Nam
Atma