I Promise Not to Own Anything...

The great affair is to move, but ugh, moving out is hard. Moving on is hard. Everything is hard. This life. I wish it's easy to finally get out of this box, this comfort zone. I've been here far too long. Now I finally have the courage to make a change in my life. And I guess I have no regrets. Things happen in perfect timing right? If I haven't stayed in one place for too long, then I would not have saved enough to be able to move. Then I won't be able to secure my WFH/remote job. Then I won't be able to travel again in the future. Then this new life that I am very much looking forward to won't happen at all.

I gotta find my people too. I've been alone for too long. But you know what they say good things take time. I've made sacrifices and delayed gratification. So it's all worth it.

And sometimes you just know when it's time. When it's time to say goodbye to a place, to people. Last year, I would not have thought of this. My cost of living is low, I have no bad neighbors, nature around me, my cat is free to roam wild and free... I love my peace. But then all for what? At what cost? My sanity. I've been meaning to do this for a long time but then I wasn't just financially and mentally ready. I was also trying to escape my grief and the memories of my friend. But it turns out, I will still remember him wherever I go. Wherever I live. He lives inside me now.

Okay so I haven't posted for weeks because I didn't have much to say really. Except for this plan. This plan to move back to the city. I know I keep saying this but this time it is finally happening. I have more money now and so I am feeling more courageous than ever. Change ugh. Change is hard.

I promise not to own anything especially now that I know how difficult it is to get rid of stuff. This is actually my main topic for today. How to get rid of all this baggage that I've accumulated over the past few years. I don't want stuff. I've been trying to sell my furniture, appliances, and also my scooter. And I'm having a hard time selling that freakin' scooter even for a half of its original price. I am grateful I don't have anything that's worth more than that though, geez imagine if I have a car I have to sell. And so I thought, I promise not to own anything that depreciates in value. Or anything that makes me feel trapped in a place.

It's because the number one thing that is important to me more than anything is freedom. The freedom to leave any given situation and place when it no longer suits me. However lonely freedom is sometimes. I'm not meant to be happy, comfortable, and utterly bored. I'm meant to pursue a meaningful life.

One thing I learned, nature is fucking hostile man - some things are meant to be predatory. Anything that does not belong is an enemy. Being different is dangerous. I love change. I love progress. I value individuality. I want to be where I am free to be myself. I am not simple enough to live a simple life. All these experiences are just signs for me that I have to finally leave. Sometimes you just know when you know. I've had it. And I'm not even having second thoughts anymore. Looking forward to something just makes me feel good. It feels like hope. I'm like a piece of a puzzle that no longer fits. I mean, who knows, someday I will find that place called home.

Meanwhile, taking my last trip in nature. Because next time around, I'd be back in the concrete jungle. For the time being tho...