It's Not What it Looks Like
Hi. Welcome to the mind of the author on the other side of the screen you're staring at.
I was convinced I could go for the first time ever or something like that and announce there's an alternate opening paragraph in this one and how it's gonna be triumphant but no matter what I said I liked the first one better so I scratched it.
You know how people post pictures of flowers and they're all, Look!
If it's a dude doing it I play out this reenactment where he and like three or four of his buddies are walking to the bar and they're all single, salivating out their fresh shaved faces to buy the first hot chick they see a drink and they're just a few steps away when a car full of bad.ass chicks rolls up in sexy dresses and pumps with matching hair and nails and shiny sun kissed skin steps out the Uber one glistening thigh at a time and dude's all, YOOO!
Stops.
{ Arms out }
(Holding his buddies back)
Check out these flowers!
And then Derrick goes, don't lose sight of what we came here for tonight, bro's.
Or, ladies night, Las Vegas, alluring little mini skirts so mini some parts of the world deem them unlawful but not Las Vegas, they don't call it Sin City for nothing. This time tomorrow, Lisa's off the market.
Red carpet service up and down the strip, lines are for everyone else, not a bachelorette party. Limousine, chauffeur, Olympic Gardens, Cîroc sent from a mystery table in VIP and then Ailene's all, I'm out! Catch you tomorrow, I'm gonna go take pictures of flowers.
I wanted to know what they see in these things so I went to a place where they grow.
Flowers.
To see what they see, know what I mean? A flower viewed through the eye of a camera lens. Every day someone does it. Can't imagine a group of fellas on lunch break talking about the game when Simon says: CHECK OUT THIS JEWELWEED!
I found a purple one. That's a good starting point, I thought, to see what they see because I like purple things that are not dead. Not sure I've told you that but it's true, you saw it on the internet.
This one checks all the boxes.
Flower. Purple. Not dead. Praying mantis in military fatigues.
Alright, so I probably would've missed it had it not been for the flower, whatever. It was a fluke.
Or not!
Ants and bees, about two different kinds of bees, a wasp, a ladybug, some spiders and spider food and spider webs, whatever else. All on the same branch. Even Atlas was all..
Then they attacked me!
Serious. This is a true story. Those flying things flew with vengeance, they were out for blood.
Coming at me from all sides, a million of them. Or, at least two. They were hitting each side of my head at the same time; pow - pow - pow - pow - pow - pow. Right ear, left eye, right ear again, neck, eyebrow and they're buzzing, too. Zzzzzzzz.
It's the buzzing sound that freaks me out.
Didn't matter how quickly I back pedaled, they charged straight ahead faster, buzzing and head butting me like a machine gun firing Mike Tyson bullets.
I'm wearing a hoodie. Had to drop the leash so I could pull up my hood, frantically, damn thing won't cover my whole face! Atlas doesn't know Wtf's going on so she ran a couple laps around me, now the leash is tangled in my feet. Glasses flew off—can't see shit. Reaching, scrambling, finally found them, put'em in my pocket.
Zipping and pulling, zipping faster, exposing my whole back to these motherfuckers looking like I'm in the crosshairs of an elite force of invisible ninjas on an ice skating rink with one hand on my glasses so they don't go flying again. They're buzzing louder and louder, coming straight at me.
Pow - pow - pow - pow
Mayday!
Everyone for their self!
C'mon Atlas! Abort mission! Abort mission!!!
Turned back the way I came, cranked up my gimp speed to as fast as it'll go and Keyser Söze'd the hell outta there never looking back until I could see the car again and the buzzing stopped. Fuck those flowers.
Not even miggies AKA midgets small enough to drive you crazy, those are missile attackers, run baby run.... Atlas has the right idea dive into the water, shake em off!
!LOLZ
!WINEX
lolztoken.com
They unwind.
Credit: reddit
@dandays, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of joanstewart
(2/8)
Farm LOLZ tokens when you Delegate Hive or Hive Tokens.
Click to delegate: 10 - 20 - 50 - 100 HP
Tell hell with midgets!
= }
Hello, Ms Joan. What the heck's going on over there? I hear it's cold and windy.
I've managed to catch some good ones of her, often times ending up getting ran over and laughing. Didn't realize I caught her mid shake like that.. gettin lucky.
Weather doing it's own thing, I prefer the cold so not complaining 🙃
Shaking presents photographic delight with face curls, ears on end, keep clicking !LOLZ
lolztoken.com
I now live in constant fear.
Credit: bulldog-joy
@dandays, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of joanstewart
(1/8)
NEW: Join LOLZ's Daily Earn and Burn Contest and win $LOLZ
I was only waiting for the photo bomb, but seems like she didn't get in between you and the flowers... not in the photos at least:)
Hello. Special bonus scene coming up.
Below is the original Jewelweed photo. In the article I zoomed and clipped around the black spot on the right—her tail. Got three shots of it. Down low all pretending to be pro, you know what I mean, and she..
Last snap is #tmbi
...aha well that sounds more truthful😁😁
Ha! This was the funny read I needed today. I secretly hope it's a made up story because if not, I can totally see myself being YOU in such a situation. We had HUGE big scary (red!) insects or whatever they were flying around when we were in Turkey for the last time. Madre mia, never seen something that scary flying towards me and when we did a boat trip one of the next days, they were out to get us all on deck! I swear they were attacking everyone and just flying with us along half of the trip. I don't like these fuckers at all, none of them, stay away! And when they don't it's indeed everyone for themselves lol.
!PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
@thisismylife just slapped you with 10.000 PIMP, @dandays.
You earned 10.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 3/3 possible people today.
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
Felt like I was on the boat. Tough to ruin a boat trip! Does your phone spell Turkey, Türkiye? Mine does.
Much thanks, I appreciate that. My pleasure to make you laugh.
No, in fact I left out the part about I lost my pipe during battle royal. Glasses - saved. Pipe - history. Figured I'd save that part for comments since I already dropped an mf and pictured flowers. = }
My phone doesn't but that's because I have Spanish and English grammar check on it, it used to spell it as Türkiye years ago though, lol.
What kind of pipe did you lose? I wonder now, haha.
Enjoy the weeeeekend!
!PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
@thisismylife just slapped you with 5.000 PIMP, @dandays.
You earned 5.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 2/3 possible people today.
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
Figures. Got dang American public skule!
Only my favorite travel piece ever that I just got like a month ago! Can pack 3.5 grams in it, good for the whole day. Didn't even realize it didn't survive the battle until quite awhile later.
Oh that looks very cool, a little piece of art :) What a shame it got ruined!
How is your hand btw sir?
!PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
@thisismylife just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @dandays.
You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/3 possible people today.
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
Extremely slow process. Challenging to live with. This time next year.. This time next year..
Stop, no one is supposed to make me laugh this hard. Lol
Also, I thought I was the only one who made stories out of every picture I take, or see. I like your stories of Ladies night and boys night too. And I love your shots as well. Precise. Beautiful. Fun.
Hello. Good morning. It's morning where I am. Atlas has an upset tummy this a.m, woke me up at 4 o'clock. Puking and raining outside... YaaaYyyyy!
I saw this comment yesterday but it was so nice I wanted to respond proper. Thank you, firstly, I really appreciate that. Funny / comedy are the toughest for me. I'm always, hope it's not just me who thinks it's funny! The post button is my nemesis.
I regularly feel like I don't belong here so, trust me when I say, I appreciate your kindness more than these words.
Congratulations on all of your success here, by the way. Barely a year in and you're leading many charts, congrats. To put it in perspective, I don't think I hit a trail vote until I was on the platform 2 years. You seem to attract them with each release. Very good, you.
Took me so long to respond cuz I had to go get caught up. Met Esmeralda, met the twins, learned all about money over life and especially enjoyed the flame photo on your coffee post.
Tell me, where'd you learn to write?
!BEER
!BBH
!WINE
@dandays! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @eii. (3/5)
!LOLZ
!LUV
!PIZZA
!HUG
lolztoken.com
We have the same taste in clothes.
Credit: reddit
@dandays, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of eii
(2/8)
Farm LOLZ tokens when you Delegate Hive or Hive Tokens.
Click to delegate: 10 - 20 - 50 - 100 HP
View or trade
BEER.Hey @dandays, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @eii for you. Enjoy it!We love your support by voting @detlev.witness on HIVE .
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@palomap3(4/15) tipped @dandays
eii tipped dandays
Post manually reviewed. 😊
Response manually appreciated @palomap3. <3
Manually impressed.
😂 Manually grateful!
!PIZZA
Yay! 🤗
Your content has been boosted with Ecency Points, by @ma3str0.
Use Ecency daily to boost your growth on platform!
Support Ecency
Vote for new Proposal
Delegate HP and earn more
Much thanks @ma3str0. I just got the Ecency approval letter. On the iPad, I might add, same device I’m typing with now actually because I was awake less than an hour this a.m and broke my fuckin phone!
And I just got the screen like a month ago, too. Too early for this.
I'm glad you liked it my good 'ol friend. Your posts really full deserve recognition - that's the truth.. and it's nice when a piece of plankton like me has the opportunity to show you that I do appreciate you.
On the note of your phone.. that sux - bigtime! I did that once when I got an upgrade and dropped it down a hill. These days, I survive on hand me down phone's - which I actually prefer now. Anyway, hope they can fix it.. with the price not being to hectic. I'm sorry.. I do know exactly what that's like.
Tell everyone how you broke your phone please, that is, if you'd be so kind to honour a resectful request for more possible laughs.
Ok, but you're gonna LoL all over yourself and I don't just mean the acronym. Keep an eye out for I Broke My Phone And Fixed The Whole World.
Or, I Wish it Was Yesterday Again And My Phone Didn't Work or..
I've Never Had More Access To Things As The Day I Broke My Phone or..
(I'm not so sure I'll ever put it together now if I'm being transparent because, well, I'm having too much fun creating titles and don't wanna ruin it)
I Broke My Phone And Wanted To Gouge My Eyes Out And Then I Got it Back And Now I Want To Gouge My Eyes Out
World Peace is Easy Watch Gimme Your Phone
How To Change A Whole Hell into 11n1/2 Hours Of Bliss instantly
The Day The World Didn't Stop And I Lived To Tell About it
(Or maybe I could open it with all these titles cuz I can't choose one but they won't stop coming)
Too Bad Biden Doesn't Have A Phone
Imagine How Cool it Would Be if Russia Didn't Have A Phone
Everything's Cheaper in England
I just laugh cried. I can't pick a fav.
You never disappoint.
I want to read said post mentioned above, however you word sling it, I know I'm going to laugh.
Do you remember how I said there are two? This is the third.
Dude, those don't look like bees. Also not behaving like bees. Looks like wasps, which means get gone yesterday. I think I saw a snake slithering somewhere in those flowers.
None-the-Less and None-the-More
I got you flowers
From the online store.........
Princess Pink
and
Purple Peas
ps, that pic of Atlas is totally rad.
I don't remember how I got to the gym and I'm on the treadmill right.now. = }
I like my smiley face, this one: = }
Just kidding, I know how I got here.
Thanks for the flowers, are you saying I stink? How dare you treat me like a 19th century bride!
I've been gonna say something else the whole time but can't seem to get outta character.
= }= }= }= }= }= }= }= }
= }= }= }= }= }= }= }
= }= }= }= }= }= }
= }= }= }= }= }
= }= }= }= }
= }= }= }
= }= }
= }
Like a Cheap Pink Tart touched for the very first time.
Okay tears and why the fuck didn't I read you all week?!
Oh... cause I hardly read anything on the internet right now 'cause my eyes are fucked and that's true 'cause you saw it on the internet too.
Dude. Don't talk about Vegas.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Dontcha know this already? 🙄
The flowers are nice though. I like flowers. Can't afford them anymore though. Flowers are for the rich. I guess Vegas is too so... unless you're a workin' gal. And I'm too purple and almost dead to pull that off anymore. Missed the boat apparently.
Oh Captain, my Captain... ? Captain... Ahem... Cap... ?
Eh.
Send Atlas please. He's cute!
Sorry... had to stop and howl again. With laughter. Not at the moon tonight. Yet.
Good plan! 👆
Nice place, by the way. Looks like a good place to breathe for a while.
Those flowers though... they can be really mean and full of shit, huh? Glad you didn't get stung too badly. 🌸
I got this smooth guy persona I'm tryin to maintain so if I don't admit how much I enjoyed that clip twice, that's why.
Thank you for the reblog. Funny, my phone tried real hard to say reboot.
Like I need new boots or something.
The internet's crazy right now. <- Watch, remember that. Did you know I've been to all those places on TV right now? It's weird to see all those people, armed security, city officials, et cetera who are visibly familiar running for their lives. That Hamas one they say was several years in the making. We missed it by a year and a half. All I meant to say is the internet's crazy right now.
Growing up in Los Angeles, Las Vegas was always 3 hours away so we'd head out on a Friday just cuz we didn't have anything else to do. Lived there for over a year in '08 building Aria. I actually engineered all of the trim design in each suite on that one.
Then again in '11. I ran all three towers at Ivanpah—largest solar facility on the planet at the time.
Both times, I didn't play one game, one machine, one table, anything. It's never been my thing. I gambled... With my life. Just not in the casinos.
Alright, well, that's plenty of D and A for one day.
Thank you.
Why? 'Cause those films are great even if they say Disney is the ... whatever.
But hey... I just watched it again because you did (again) and there's some heavy innuendo in there after all :|
Smooth guys are overrated. Gentle men are hard to come by these days.
And women too. To be fair.
The internet has always been cray cray. Maybe they just upped the shock factor because we became desensitised. :(
And the world and some humans have always been cray cray too, only now we get to see it all day online every minute of most waking hours.
Can make you cray cray #justsayin
Huh. Man's got skills! And integrity. Nice.
Please don't gamble with your life anymore then.
We need to keep the good ones alive and kickin' it.
Nope. Never enough dogs in a day. Just met one on the beach and she was brilliant!
Can't comment further as you're married and I'm (supposedly) a woman and you know how predatory and unethical we women are. I'll get burned at the stake for sure. And summer is coming and I don't want to miss meeting more dogs on the beach.
Have a great day your self.
And no.(or yes)
Thank you
Thank you for noticing. I blame it on myself. Aug 2, 2014, haven't a had a drink since. You know it's bad when it's etched like the day mom died. Ever since, however, I've managed to do cool things like give someone reason to mention me and integrity together.. Haven't been to jail since, either, or awoken in a strange place or anything. cray cray
Dang it.
All the good ones are taken :(
*fist bump but no fisting
Yep. Recovery has magic in it. I met an actual once was gang leader, at a meeting, who'd changed his life and was out and about doing work in his area to help kids avoid his mistakes. You're not supposed to be allowed to leave a gang, you know. Yet the other members gave him the thumbs up.
I mean... not much can create THAT kind of shift (in everyone around it) but sobriety and a good fucking dose of honesty and personal accountability. Next level up!
Nice you meet you even more, Kindred! 💥
!PIMP the fuck outta recovery
I'm not that bad.
I mean you're one of the good ones.
And you're taken.
:|
Still looking for my BFF. I know they're out there somewhere...
That’ll teach you to go out there like some fucking heathen, looking for nature and shit. Get back to your bug pod and connect yourself back to the social media matrix you peasant. Next time they will gouge out your bacne (back-acne, I know clarifying it makes it sound stupid but I’m rolling with it) the second you step out into the outdoors.
The middle flower is my favorite, the one that’s quite useful for many things medicinal. Just keep the praying mantis off them and you’re good.
I know a comment practicer when I read one and you, fine sir, have been practicing!
= }
Whaddup! That's not a trick camera or anything. A dinosaur phone to be more specific, those flowers are from Ca, it's just how they picture.
Hey did you notice the flying bee looking thing supervising the praying mantis? Been waiting for someone to point it out, maybe it's not really there and I'm making it up.
I've never seen so many kkk references.
Influenced by your environment I see.
Is this better?
Never been to Cañada. They say it's nice.
You haven't lived unless you've been a Piñata in Cañada Inc.
He looks so happy like that.
He's getting ready to be tickled.
Lmao... @dandays
stories moral
I have five rose bushes. About a dozen a week harvested. No bugs just flowers 🌹🌻🌹
Great news tho. Globalists Eugenicist Bioterrorist
Billy Gates just signed a billion dollar deal to supply Tyson with bug protein powders (your angry insects) ground up and added to the breading of their products. He wants to cull the "useless eaters" like you and I...
It's middle-aged they now....
What the heck is up sir? Was that Fauci in a chef hat?
In only 83 words, you managed to cover everything from the beginning of the internet to artificial meat. I clicked each of your links. I do all the time, by the way, I'm not one of those assholes who receives links and skims them only to be ignored forever, never to be clicked, I'm a different kind.
Dude, iThink you're a little heavy on the internet and light on flowers. <3
"Dude, iThink you're a little heavy on the internet and light on flowers. <3"
Beats being Light in the Loafers.
we are def heavyweights bro
I was just giving u a little bug therapy...
no charge
Greta Agrees
Mm. Sweet tea and anchovies for everyone!