Feeling bad? Let it happen!
Sometimes taking things lightly can help to some extend for maintaining your personal comfort and peace. I'm just stating these as my thoughts and feelings, nothing else. Proving yourself again and again really feels very bad on your part when you try to sort out this but it's always taken in a form of an argument. Getting some overthinking thoughts like what if this happens during late night really makes your mood bad and disrupts your mental peace. But you are just being good on your part to think and care by putting up all the small efforts about others like how will they feel if ...but the thing which you get in return is just "nothing". To be very honest from a long time the word in particular if is really making me anxious like I get sorts of symptoms of anxiety like sweating and little bit of worriedness about the thing which took place with me lately. The word if describes that I'm thinking too much about a topic or a person who doesn't bother, borther for what, nothing. I'm just harming my own self by taking up all the stress and putting up efforts which at the end are of no use but still would turn to be an argument.
The human nature is if you are putting up the most finite efforts then you too except to get back some but it's too hilarious that my efforts are returned by quoting up in just a line" did I say you to do all this"? and it's seriously very true to feel so bad and low during such times.
I guess when you're so confused and so stuck between your thoughts you just feel like rushing by breaking up all the barrios far away. My nature is like creating scenarios of exception but I do know that it's not a good thing but still putting up so much you do expect something and when you don't get it, it's seriously so depressing.
And the most important thing is that I just expect some quality time and value and these things are just above all the other materialistic things, it really takes no time for the person who considers you important to give you such things, but it's a harsh world these sorts of days.
From a long and long since I last posted I'm not feeling that comfortable or well to respond or be active here because of the up's and downs which I'm currently facing, these are actually giving me a impact with the passing time. I just keep thinking about the fake scenarios that what if this happens then I'll be alright but unfortunately the density isn't supporting any of them. I just got a lot my festive holidays so now I'm just stuck here at my house wondering what to do next because for me keeping on interacting with people maks me feel good but now I'm just alone for a couple of days and thinking what to do to keep myself busy so I don't feel uncomfortable and stressful.
Whenever, from the last few days when I talked about my state I'm feeling so anxious and unconscious that whenever I really try so hard to sort some work out I again keep on thinking about the same thing happened with me. In life we do have to confront people and so I too have to do the same in the coming days, well I know it would be very stressful and sad to face such things or just simply past by. I guess the term love has really occupied my mind in such a state that' though I'm trying my best but I'm unable to get out of it easily.
I think once facing such thing is very important to be ready to be careful in the future, mistakes are made by humans and that's very common I guess. I do therapy myself by spelling out the harsh and bitter truth about that the thing once gone, it's possibly impossible to get it back because from a couple days my fake scenarios are the lies in which I'm living and they are really impacting me from not moving on.
From these days when I just cut off the person I'm making a note on my dairy about the things happened with me in my past and now how they are going, I would like to mention a few of them, getting sorts of jealousy and traums on the smallest actions, they are gone and then seeking some sorts of permissions, like these permissions are really very common about the changes like whether it could be a hair cut or a surgery or a treatment, now I'm free from all these things and I don't have to consult or ask anyone from making changes in my own self.
What good do I feel is that I do have some pretty and nice people on hive where I can openly share my secrets and my problems and my happiness with. Whether it could be any occasion or a depressed moment I'm able to write all of them here and express what am I feeling. My flow of writing is that it makes me feel good like there is someone who might be reading my post and would be getting to know about what's happening with me currently and that's what makes my ending more positive and good because whatever I write isn't scripted or decide previously what I feel is what i write it's actually the present feeling.
The major factor of my nature or it can be termed as my weakness which affects me is that I search for the support and company of others, I feel good amongst being with a group of people which keeps me busy and interactive otherwise I just keep of thinking about all the bad and worst things happened with me recently, I just forget and avoid remembering it when I'm with my friends and the people I work with, they are really very amicable, they keep me happy all the time.
Now due to the current holidays which I have, I'll be just all alone so that's me makes me lack in being happy and divert my focus. I guess the company of people is my biggest weakness which I'm trying to recover but I'm unable to and I'm so depressed for the same.
When I look on both the side of the situation I do find some goods and some bads but the bads are more vibrant and enormous than the goods. Daily talking with someone for about an year really make you addicted to the person, you really want to talk to them but it's not the same as it was, I'm thinking upon this situation and finding sorts of ways to get out of it because this time it's too difficult and I'm badly stuck. I'm not able to see the path covered with all the memories like when are unable to see the roads during fog it's the same but a different situation.
Sometimes I think that there should be a technology to erase some old things and memories from your mind in which are stuck to make the things go better but then I realise that after forgetting you can come across the same person who hurted you and can take the undue advantage of the loss of your memory, it's both a situation divided into to halves and both look the same.
The things happened with me have really made me feel so upset and depressed and a bit lazy that i just keep on lying in my room and me keep of scrolling because it's not an excuse about not to work but I just don't feel like doing anything everything is really very confusing nowadays.
Taking things lightly which I said in the beginning and letting things happen can sort things out because getting the pain and feeling it everytime makes it unimportant and casual. I guess if something is hurting you let it happen because healing it will take a lot of time but learning to live with the pain can help faster.