So I'm having a beer. So what? It's just a beer. Just a fizzy fuzzy hazy blood orange IPA. Only 5.5%. That's piddles compared to what's on the market these days. Only 16.9 fluid ounces. No big deal. I can still walk. Can still safely sit alone at home in my frumpies.

But I rarely drink. I mean, I tell people I rarely drink. Last weekend when my friend was in town I drank two nights in a row. Now here I am, drinking again. Turning into a fizzy fuzzy hazy blood orange. Does this make me a liar?

You lie like a rug. A big, thick, shag rug sprawled out spread-eagle-half-naked and soaked in piss. Too wasted to totter to the toilet and tinkle where god intended.

And? So what? The only reason I'm drinking now is because of the blood orange juice dripping out of my bringer-of-life that, once again, didn't get to bring any life into this world so she's biologically punishing me with cramps and despair.

I rarely drink. Still. It's not all black and white.

Right?

God dammit, crow, don't contradict me!

_{Did I mention this rug is at my best friend's house?}

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I rarely drink because when I do it's like jesus fuck man somebody turn off the perpetual emotion machine one idea at a time hold your horses there little sailor and can SOMEBODY PLEASE TURN DOWN THE SILENCE??!!

Not so bad when I don't drink alone but that's a whole 'nother can o' worms and we won't go into what a buzzkill it was to flirt with the bartender across the street and not be able to feel the butterflies through all that booze she was giving me.

Thanks, that was fun, probably never see you again because, again, I rarely drink.

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I rarely drink but I used to only drink. In my twenties. Early thirties. Really surprised I still have one liver and zero DUIs. I was no Kerouac, mind you. No Bukowski. I didn't need whisky for breakfast. Rum, maybe, but only on the weekends. Rum doesn't make me a Hunter S. Thompson, either, but I used to believe I needed that shit to create lest what I create be anything more than shit.

Jokes on them, though, because I'm still alive and I rarely drink anymore and I create like a motherfucker and whether or not what I create is shit doesn't matter because, get this,

I'm not famous.

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So there.

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P.S. @daveks I wasn't sure how you would feel about the colorful colourful language. Some people consider it nsfw, others don't. If it's an issue, I promise to stop sailing and wash my mouth out with soap before I post in the group again.😉