four big thoughts

I'm supposed to be camping right now but I broke my neck. Not literally, of course, but something back there is broken enough to make lane changes and cramped car beds a serious health risk. I don't like to drink but I emptied a Groundbreaker IPA into my stomach along with a handful of NSAIDs and magnesium citrate. Hopefully tomorrow morning Pilot and I will be on the road.

In the meantime, here are some crows.
And some thoughts.

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_{Pepper. I thought she was a boy but it turns out she's a girl. Whenever I discover a mistake like this it's a celebration.}

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My biggest thought right now is that I shouldn't be on the computer with a broken neck, and that I shouldn't have spent the last hour editing crow photos because it was probably editing photos obsessively for the last two days that got me into this predicament.

My second biggest thought is that it's time to leave the clinic I've been working at for the majority of my massage career. That the excuse that I stay because I feel comfortable there has become more of something that I say to myself and less of a truth. And that I am tired of watching everyone else around me leave because their truth is more obvious to them.

It's not a hell hole, it's just not run very well. And I'm done with the crescendoing melancholy that comes with watching things fall apart.

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_{Pepper again. I told her how long I've worked at the clinic and she was shocked because she had no idea humans even lived that long.}

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My third biggest thought is the freedom I will find if I completely turn my schedule into my schedule and not someone else's. I used to think this meant I had to work hard, harder, hardest. After a near-death experience that came with the unsustainability of this lifestyle I had an epiphany: all I need to do is be smart and alert to opportunities. Which, as it turns out, I am. I just didn't believe that I believed in myself.

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_{Monsoon. He loves me but god damn does he hate the camera}

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My fourth biggest thought is cute. It came to me tonight when I was feeling sorry for myself at the store while purchasing the magnesium and IPA for my broken neck:

When I finally lay claim to and tame my schedule I want to take a cross-country road trip and meet all my continental Hive friends.

Isn't that thought fucking cute as shit??!!

Almost as cute as this Scrub Jay.

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_{Scrub Jay. For the sake of redundancy. Because sometimes we need redundancy to figure shit out.}

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