Learning to See What Was Always Enough...

Many times we are not aware that in this life we are simple passengers. Often, we worry about issues and things that are not truly important enough, while we neglect what is essential and even what is precious and joyful about being alive. I believe I have already mentioned why I usually write this type of personal and reflective posts, but for those who have not yet found out, I will say that when you deal daily with people’s suffering and with their regrets, in my work I see a lot of these things, something comes home with you...

It is simply impossible to remain indifferent or without any kind of impact... At the end of it all, I am a human being, and of course I feel and suffer deeply.... On this occasion, I have had days filled with certain thoughts in my mind. Perhaps due to the very season of Christmas and togetherness... I feel that the fact of having recently had my birthday in conjunction with some things I continue to reproach myself for makes me not stop enough to enjoy how fortunate I have been.

I have lived a life full of immense joys. My daughter is a healthy, cheerful and completely happy girl. She does not worry about anything nor does she keep bitterness or trauma in her heart. She is simply a little piece of that heaven all religions promise, but on this plane, here and now... For a couple of years now, I feel that the days go by too quickly. I am not truly aware of many things... For example, that I have noticed a couple of wrinkles that simply were not there before... Or that, despite personal wishes, my daughter grows daily and each passing day moves further away from the reality of that little girl I held in my arms, and what remains is this beautiful and slender young adolescent.

I am not lying when I say that during the late afternoons of these last 2 or 3 weeks I have been meditating, reflecting, sitting; with a coffee and nothing but my solitude. Near home there are several ideal places for that necessary contemplation of solitude. It is a materialistic, selfish world with insatiable desires for consumption, it is extremely difficult not to see oneself trapped... Many times, what we long for is contaminated by how we have been conditioned around us...

To illustrate it better, I will use this link I learned from a conversation with my boyfriend: the story of Matthew Le Tissier. Do not worry, I did not know who that man was either, but now I will never forget him. Le Tissier was a former British football player who set a trend with his wonderful game. Pure talent and skill. In his time, in the 90s, he was pursued by the best teams in England, but Le Tissier never left his team. A modest team in the south of England. No one understood Matthew. He would just shrug, smile and say: I am happy in Southampton, I have my family, I have enough to live several lifetimes. I do not desire more... And there the anecdote ends. Le Tissier was not less than anyone, nor cowardly nor lacking ambition: he simply knew how to recognize what he had and that was it. I want to do the same as Matthew.