RE: Another World With Different Rituals

There are a lot of things right, and a lot of things wrong in the cremation rituals in India. The wrong has mostly to do with the business of funerals, something that cannot be avoided but can be very stressful to a family at their worst emotional time. It is not always as easy as paying a cremation house as per a set price. Many Indians like me have a shallow knowledge of the rituals rather than the detailed expertise that only the pundits have. So becoming part of a funeral becomes a part of growing up, where elders who have already gone through the process help you out. The activity is life-changing enough that I consider having fully grown up only when I had to light the pyre of my father when I was about 42. I was completely clueless about the specifics when I had to do the ceremony. However, I had the advantage of being in India where the extended family congregated as did all the neighbors, guiding and helping us - we just followed their instructions. The act of bidding my father farewell was tough, but the way our rituals work by the time I lit his pyre I was resigned to the fact that I was only sending off his worldly form, his spiritual soul having already left for Vaikuntha. Post that I had to be part of multiple funerals (covid being a major cause, 😞) and it never gets any easy - bidding bye and then helping to light the pyre. But it does feel easier to accept the reality of the person passing on. Now that I know a bit more and can help, being able to step up and help with the modalities of the ceremony is the best aid one can give the grieving family. At the last funeral I was at, my cousins and I were joking that our Indian rituals are long and complex and tiring just so that the grieving family is kept completely busy to not completely appreciate their loss till they are fully surrounded by loving friends and family. Sorry, I ended up writing a lot in a comment.