One Day At A Time

I've had a belief system for a number of years now where I believe that I have forgiven everyone of everything and it brings me immense mental peace.

In fact, it's one of the major things that allowed me to heal my long lasting 8 year depression after Amanda passed away... And, it wasn't about forgiving anyone else... But, forgiving myself that allowed me to free myself of the self torture and torment I was putting myself through.

Yesterday I think I kind of finally realized that again with the situation with my other friend David, I feel like I could have helped him... Though, It wasn't my fault... I wish so bad he was still here living his life... I don't blame anyone.
So, why was I once again torturing myself so much? I dunno... But, I forgive myself now.

If I can forgive the worst war criminals, the mass murderers, people who drop bombs on innocent people, serial killers, everything... If I can forgive those who are worst of the worst in my mind, then I should be able to forgive myself for not responding to his text sooner.

I still cry, I even cried writing this... I'm still not quite back to my happy self before this all happened... But, forgiving myself yesterday made a big difference and I can function better now.

It's just so shocking... He was always so strong an had everything going for him, was on top of the world... It's hard to believe.

He's a legend in my mind and he taught me a lot and I'm going to try to make him and Amanda and everyone else who cares about me proud.

Speaking of that, I've been making some more really good progress with the OCD lately.
Continuing to push and do things I wouldn't do before.

Also I spent most of the day working on the project.
It's good to put some time into it again.

Think that's it for me for now.
Prolly going to do one of the most significant adventures coming up in the next few weeks... Wish me luck if you want.
Peace and love. <3